पुरानी किताब

पुराने किस्सों से सराबोर 

पीले पड़  चुके पन्नो वाली उस किताब को 

मैं एक दिन यूँ ही  पलट के देख रही थी , 

हर पन्ने की सिलवट के साथ 

उस सिलवट की वजह सोच रही थी;

यादें ज्यादा थी और शब्द कम 

उस रात मैं भी न जाने क्या क्या सोच रही थी 

बहुत देर बाद 

जब यादों की नींद से जागी 

महसूस हुआ अब हकीकत में लौटना चहिये 

पन्ने पपड़ा गए थे 

मैंने किताब को किसी तरह बंद कर 

एक भारी ताले से दबा दिया 

पर उस रात बारिश हुई थी 

तेज़ हवा से ताला सरक गया था 

और 

एक अनचाहा सा पीला पन्ना 

मेरे सामने खुल गया था !!

Wikipedia & Perspectives

There is a Wikipedia definition available for almost everything existent in this world and there are alternate definitions present for the same words in the same world!

Little difficult to understand? Okay here we go- so type in Wikipedia- what is sea?? It will tell you that it is a large body of saline water n blah blah! But do you visualize the same when you say “sea” > I bet not! Just say this word “sea” and see what picture you get in your mind. There will be frames of sunsets, sunrises, silhouettes, people, waves , water stretched till infinity , sand and peace and I bet some can even hear  the sound of waves just at the mention of the word “sea”

So sometimes it’s not about what is already described there in the books, about things you don’t know- they are about what you think of them – what pictures you get in mind when you say their names! And that’s what matters – and that is what we call is a perspective!

This world runs on perspectives, which are individual, unique and exclusive to everyone! Mine may not match with yours but that’s what makes me a different person than you! And here we need to preserve them too- our own precious perspectives! Because in them lies our eccentricity!!

Perspectives tend to change, under the influence of people around, philosophies, something that looks attractive and even alcohol! Let them not change for anybody – ever!! The rights and wrongs of life are also perspectives! I might do the right thing but you might find it wrong! There are no boundaries – there are only perspectives – which define your own hemlines in life, relationships and attitude. We have people who play Wikipedia in our lives- tell them to stay away and believe on what pictures you get in your own mind when you say the name!!

Believe your own perspectives!

आवाज़

आवाज़ दी है, 

कुछ दूर तक तो गयी होगी 

तूने सुना होगा, कुछ आहिस्ता से, 

कुछ असर तो हुआ होगा; 

मेरी आवाज़ है अगर तेरे एहसास में 

तो कुछ तो उमड़ा होगा 

क्या हुआ जो मुझ तक तेरी आवाज़ नहीं पहुंची 

मैं सोचती हूँ , 

आवाज़ सुन कर मेरी 

तूने मुड कर , इधर उधर तो देखा होगा!!

With special remeberence and fond thoughts, this one came out in a jiffy of say 60 seconds, and not even in lone moments but right in middle of a hangout , in between the conversations! 

tells me how big a bluff-master a human's mind could be!! 

मेरा अज़ीज़ सामान

क्यों ऐसा होता है 

के कभी कभी घर से  निकलके 

बहुत दूर चलने के बाद 

याद आता है , के 

पीछे कुछ छूट गया 

कुछ ज़रूरी सा, कुछ अज़ीज़ सा 

जो संभाला था कई जतनों से 

वही बेहद कीमती सा, 

घर पर ही छूट गया 

अब् पीछे जाना मुश्किल है 

और आगे चलना भी मुनासिब नहीं 

क्या करूँ, दिल में बड़ी कश्मकश  है 

कुछ देर रुक जाती हूँ 

बीच रास्ते  में  अनमनी सी होकर थम जाती हूँ 

फिर कुछ सोच के, भारी मन से 

आगे बढ़ जाती हूँ 

पर मेरा मन , वहीँ छूट जाता है 

मेरा वह अज़ीज़ सामान , 

मुझे अब भी वापस बुलाता है 

Under the Tree

Silhouttes of a tree| Image by- http://bit.ly/XkhAdY

Sometimes life can play cruel games- on ALL of us!! We rush, we run, we compete, we complete targets, we laugh, we party but then we all come back “home”- to a place that we call our own! A place where we get in our pajamas and sweatshirts and we don’t mind what our hair look like!! And then we, at least for once think about the entire day and this is the moment when we realize how there is just no body around!!

We have friends- a lot of them (thanks to office and facebook and whatspp and what not) who might be just a ping away but do we really have them in our lives?? Probably not! It’s just an illusion we create for ourselves that okay I am around people- all the time which is so not true! Fact is that everyone is at his/her own. Everyone-even those so called friends have their own lives, their own set of friends, love of lives etc. When we are together, it’s nothing more than the fact that we both need each other for this much time and that’s it!! There is a mutual need which gets fulfilled and we think we have people!! Blah!!

So it’s better to get accustomed to this, to find peace being with ourselves, to enjoy the solace- and the sooner it is the better it gets! Because eventually, there is actually no body.

Why do we look for a green surrounding while taking up a new flat, probably it may add to the beauty of your balcony or may be a good view to your eyes but do we ever think how peaceful those same trees may become whilst we sit under them – all by ourselves! I bet nobody! And this is the ugly truth of life! We sit under those trees, all by ourselves, only in the silhouettes of memoirs and nostalgia and a husky voice which says – Yes accept it now, this is the fact, there is no body!

And then it makes me think – why do we even need people in our life- just because Man is a social animal?? Well, man is an animal no doubt but in a different way, the theory ‘survival of the fittest’ also applies here. The one who can as much tolerate you as a person, remains longest in our lives and rest just drift away. Nobody makes an effort, nobody even tries to survive- a little longer- and this is what makes you go and sit under that tree all by yourself.

Had there been a little more effort, a little more urge to fight and to stay back- nobody would go and hug those trees, nobody would try to find solace in that dampness and nobody would write something like this!!

But then, as I said, life plays cruel games- on ALL of us!! No one is spared! And people just hush around, still trying to find friends in books, music, cigarettes and for that matter people but –actually Nothing happens!!

So let this fight end here, let this race be only with yourself, let there not be any desire to sit under those trees with your hand in someone’s—and then I hope, we all might survive this cruel game of life!!

"बदलाव"

वक़्त गुज़रता है , रिश्ते बदलते हैं
दिलों के साथ साथ , दिलों के डर भी बदलते हैं
किस्से, कहानियाँ, यादें बदलती हैं
शामों के साथ , फिर रातें बदलती हैं ,
एहसास बदलते हैं , अलफ़ाज़ भी बदलते हैं
इज्हारों के साथ , उम्मीदें बदलती हैं
इंसान और फितरतें भी ,
आखिर बदल जाते हैं ;

सिर्फ बदलाव ही तो है जो एक सा रहता है
इसके अलावा तो
सब कुछ बदलता है !!

"Because only Change remains constant!!"

नींद

"बहुत खुशनसीब होते हैं जिन्हें नींद नसीब होती है , 

कुछ पलों के लिए सही , बेसाख्ता ख्वाहिशों से निज़ात तो मिलती है "

ऐसा भी होता है

Photo- http://bit.ly/QRtbhz

क्या तुम्हें मालूम है ,

ऐसा भी होता है, 

कभी कभार, 

गले में जैसे कुछ, 

अटका सा रहता है; 

सांस का रुख पलट जाता है 

और आँखों का समा ज्यादा रौशन नहीं होता 

मालूम है ऐसा कब होता है, 

जब कुछ अपना, बहुत अपना 

कहीं खो जाता है 

और मैं सोचती हूँ ,

अभी तो यहीं था , ऐसे कैसे खो सकता है 

कुछ दिन ढूँढती  हूँ, 

फिर थोडा मन को समझाती  हूँ, 

अब क्या होगा सोचने से ;

और मन फिर से ज़रा सा ,

भर सा आता है! 

जाते जाते

सोचा था मैंने शायद होना मेरा ख़ुशी है तुम्हारी , 

ख़ुशी हुई जान के, की जाते जाते भी मैंने तुम्हे मायूस नहीं किया 

ऐसे नहीं

"खामोश होकर भी कुछ लव्ज़ बंजर नहीं हुआ करते 

ज़रा ज़रा सरकने से फासले नहीं बना करते "

Sometimes beautiful anklets hide the sour shoe bites!

It happens all the time, we don’t really look at them, caress them or give them their due importance, the importance and respect that they deserve to take us places , by far and by long, to miles and people and to uncertainties and possiblities!

Yes I am talking about our feet, those two supple flesh pieces , always being  the firm base, walking , suffering shoe bites to look good, washed and brushed with chemicals to stay clean, painted in different colors on tips to gloss and still ignored sometimes, scuffed in shoes ! Those feet are just like people of our lives which have always been there- always as a part of the firm base, as the RCC to the building and yet always taken for granted!

We all know, somewhere deep in our hearts, how we actually ignore some of the gems of our lives, think of their availability as their addiction for us , doing everything to them that they don’t deserve at all in the worst ways but still counting on them! We all have such set of people in our lives- who were and are, always by our sides- whenever we need them- and we know it!!

These people are the feet, who if ignored for a long time, can also hide themselves well behind a beautiful leather shoe and look good on the face! They can suffer shoe bites quietly  doesn't means to pack them in sour shoes always, because ultimately it will ache to you, not in the feet but in the brains!

So it’s good if we realize that sooner we start caressing them, realizing their importance in life , appreciating their every selfless effort for us and pedicure them well to gloss!!

And buying a beautiful anklet to add glitz to them will only make YOU feel better!Keep them happy, always!!

Your B’day, My Trauma

By job profile I call myself a Social media jockey which in simple terms means a person who is paid for handling facebook n twitter for a brand! Since it’s a media brand, I am supposed to wish celebs publically on my page on their B’days, death days, anniversaries, pregnancy, child birth and divorces- all for their good life ahead! And in the procedure I do a lot of things which I don’t like or find enough interests in!

It was Amitabh Bachchan’s  B’day today! Apparently he is considered the king of bollywood .  To be honest, I am not a (or an may be) Amitabh Bachchan fan! Means yes I would be excited if I see him in front of me but not excited to actually go and see him (as if I can) still, he doesn’t excites me as a matter of fact!

But to save my job I need to do some extraordinary facebook post so that thousands of people come and ‘like’ it and so that my boss looks up at me with pleased eyes! Since yesterday the articles in Pune Times about Big B have been worrying me and I have been thinking what to post, how to show my so called “creativity”. I just bought a BlackBerry you see and to its worst exploitation, I am also googling “10 amazing facts about Amitabh bachchan” at 1.00 am but in vain! I am petrified coz the 10 points I jotted down were already shown by India Tv this morning slot in their ticker. Makes me worry double now!!

At this moment I just wanted Amitabh to see my You-Did-This face! It’s you because of whom I instead of BBMing right now, am goggling and getting facts about you such as “you can write with both hands” or that “you were named Vijay in 17 of your films” I am sure if you saw me right now, you would have offered me another job (out of pity or social service) as one of your assistants or probably you would have said something super fantastic in your flawless hindi and people would have simply awed at you!!

If I could ever, I would suggest these big shot guys to keep these public matters such as B’days to themselves, it really troubles people with small media jobs! We have clear extra work you see! But okay, I won’t blame you anymore, you are turning 70 and I will still wish you to go for another 10-20 years on a human note.

So keep writing with both your hands (apparently that doesn’t matters because now all of us write with both hands- typing I meant- who writes in paper now)

P.S. I did a facebook post on your bday- A for Amitabh, B for Bachchan , C for Cinema…Z for zanjeer| Result : Pappu paas ho gaya!

PS(2) The above also is stolen, sorry but really couldn't think of you in any way!

Happy B’day Amitabh Bachchan!

वैसे भी

http://bit.ly/QRtbhz

रास्ते तो हमारे रहने दो 

मंजिलें तो वैसे भी तुम्हारी हैं 

साथ रहना मुनासिब नहीं , 

हाथ थाम के चलना, 

उस में भी क्या शिकायत है

क्यूँ खामखा की दूरियां हैं 

क्या अब भी कुछ छुपा हुआ दरमियाँ है 

ये साथ ही है , जो कुछ भी है 

कहने को मेरा अपना 

जो आगे होना है, 

वो तो अभी से बेगाना है 

कहने दो ना जिसे जो कहना है 

जो मेरा है , 

वो तो वैसे भी तुम्हारा है 

मय

कभी भुलाने के लिए पीते हैं कभी सहलाने के लिए 

और कभी पी कर जो लिखी थी उसे मिटाने के लिए

इरशाद किया है

जो बात बाहर आई है,
 न जाने कितने  दिनों से पक रही थी 

मुट्ठी तो बंद थी ,

मगर रेत फिर भी रिस रही थी 

ज़र्रा ज़र्रा समेत के,

 इन लव्जों को पिरोया है 

नज़्म नहीं ये तो,

 मेरे ज़ेहेन का  इक रोयाँ  है 

मिल जाये कोई 

जो साफ़ दिल से इल्तिजा करे 

पकी हुई भूख का

 ये तो पहला निवाला है 

There are moments when you have so many good things around you and you can’t capture them all and keep them forever, u can’t click a photograph or possibly u can’t take down the notes and all you can do is open up yourself to the limit even you don’t know. Hear it will all your senses and absorb the moment. Take mind pictures and just live the moment!!

This poem is inspired by one of my most eventful and candid conversation with Irshad Kamil (a renowned Poet/lyricist) And i could see that more or less all poets cross the same roads in their lives! Thereby naming this poem after his name!! 

किस्मत

खुद के दिल के हाथों मजबूर होना 

कहीं ज्यादा बेहतर है,

किस्मत का धोखा खाने से 

डायरी

There are times when every writer suffers through a Creative Blockage, the time when your mind becomes blank, no incoming outgoing of ideas, thoughts , feelings. same happened with me! Then My Diary, my best friend came to my rescue! This piece of poetry highlights how painful at times it gets for a write not able to write something for days!! 

The Diary

कुछ भूल रही हूँ शायद, या फिर कुछ और सोच रही हूँ

पढ़ रही हूँ कुछ, और तस्वीर कोई और देख रही हूँ

मन भटका है, आजकल यूँ ही कोरी घूम रही हूँ

आदतें छूट रही हैं, पर मैं क्यों उन्हें छूटने दे रही हूँ 

हाँ याद आया

एक डायरी रक्खा करती थी पास हमेशा

जो अच्छा लगता था, झट से उसमे लिख लेती थी

आज जब ढूंदा  उसको , तो याद आया वो तो घर पे रह गयी 

हाँ याद आया

अबतक यही भूल रही थी 

यही आदत थी, जो छूट रही थी 

उलझन

"कभी हैसियत नहीं होती तो कभी ख्वाहिश नहीं होती 

गर कभी आरजू हो, तो उस बदनसीब की किस्मत नहीं होती" 

इबारतें (1)

Ruhaniyatein

कुछ फीकी इबारतें ,

अधूरी इबादतें दोहरा देती हैं ;

मेरे हज की गलियों के नक्श,

नाखून से खुरच के ,

देखो कैसे  बेरहमी  से उघाड़  देती है ;

एक एक सिलवट हर आहट की,

इन पन्नो में दर्ज हैं ,

कुछ बेबाक इबारतें ,

देखो कैसे नए ही नक्श बना देती हैं ;

अधूरी इबादतें अधूरी रह जाती हैं 

इबारतें बस,

नई लिख दी जाती हैं!!  

इबारतें : Writing
इबादतें: Prayers
नक्श:Map
बेबाक:Frank

Bla(n)ck Hearts

The New cOlOr of heart is Black

With the new upgraded version of android, the androiders can now send a heart smiley (<3) in text messages and also can jump & show off about it. I just received one! And this little Black-heart icon takes me to yet another connect of the technology with relationships. Technology with relationships-what shit she is talking about? But yes,  I am talking about relationships with technology- how technology effects, influences and evolves any relationship.

Black & Blank Hearts http://bit.ly/QRtbhz

Communication is the mother to any damn relationship on this earth. As a famous tag line says -“Baat hogi tabhi to baat banegi” (when talking will happen then only something beyond might happen). In simple flowchart language- we talk>>know each other>>like/dislike>>result: Relationship (no matter what kind of). With all the state-of-the-art techniques and facilities of communication available, we often start taking people and their availability for granted assuming they are just a call away but in the process we tend to pile up  a huge heap of such taken-for-granted-pending calls that ‘they’ don’t remain anymore just a call away. They just drift Far Away!

We tech-savvy and so called new age people wonder how would it have been in black & white times , writing letters and then waiting for not less than 15 days for its reply; these days when I receive even a mail, I first go to ‘sent items’ to understand the context of the reply received. In even blacker and whiter times (ancient for that matter), the kings stayed away from home for decades in order to fight for his region and still returned back to find his wife waiting for him with all the love in her eyes; these days people go through a literal brain-wash if they are away even for a month and break up is the understood following route.

Our lives these days are very restless, changing places, positions and people frequently! We say “BYE(s)” very often now and add a “Stay Connected” to it as an understated suffix. But we don’t realize, when those byes convert into Goodbyes, forget connect we even loose contacts, and then when no one is left, we read/write such articles!

The original color of heart is supposedly Red which means a symbol of love, affection and warmth. In Black & white times, it must be actually red, when people really remain connected not by texts or calls or comments or likes but by hearts and thoughts! Now that everything else has become so colorful, the heart has taken a back seat! People love (or at least pretend to) till they see each other; brain works as the second heart and insensitiveness is named being practical.

Now I understand why android developers have kept the color of their Heart smiley- Black!

Off (the) Fence: Offence

Fences are installed to make sure nobody else intrudes in your territory, whether its land or relationships-enclosures are everywhere! The only way they differ is their appearance. The way they are imposed may only vary and what can remain constant is their presence.

Take any example of life and you will find the Fences there! A child is born and there are fences telling him what is right what is wrong, whom to play with whom not to play with; a girl goes out on a scholarship, there are fences prescribing whom to talk with, whom not to interact with; a new life when you start your career, fences of what to hide, what not to act!

All the relationships have fences too! There are standard benchmarks as per which the commitment towards a relationship is judged. Protectiveness and possessiveness are important ingredients of a bond but distrust is a separate phenomenon. Where acceptance and communication should stand first on approach, instead there are Fences-of delusion and disgust, and the moment you cross them it becomes the Offence!

Fences are no ‘new-world’ occurrence, they were always there! The great epic Ramayana could take birth only because of a fence that was crossed out of innocence and a decision taken by heart. So what if even after Agni Pariksha, the savior was rejected by the lady, the epic was written and the Fence is still debated upon!

Fences are meant to protect, not to uproot things with their sharp edges. Fences should define but not re-define the shapes! Fences can describe my territory to others but shouldn’t tell me what my territory is! It’s sad to say that fences don’t define my area of freedom; they cut into the margins of others and suddenly uproot me of my ownership! Here I cross the fence and it becomes Offence! Rhyming but bitter truth.

So if at all you were to define the boundaries, try to control the fences first. Implant them only when you are sure you are not intruding in other’s space. And even if you find them a little twisted, little distorted, don’t leave the land, and shift the fence a little! May be there is no need of going OFF the fence then and within the fence, there would be no offence!! 

Crossing Roads

Crossing roads has always been a Big deal! The traffic on both the sides, the thousand permutations and combinations to be applied in mind at once, taking the decision to actually walk the grey ramp with all the iron men coming from everywhere to raid you!

Friends were the people who had always made it easy for me. Holding (even grabbing at times) my hands, pushing me gently (at times almost dragging in speed) and taking me to that other end, the safer one! In fact whoever seemed concerned about me crossing the road was instantly added to the Friend list and the nostalgias further.

The Road Ahead 

Then, everything changed; friends flew away-work, jobs, families, lives. But the roads didn’t! They stayed where they were, dusty in sun, glossy in rains but still swarming with iron men, making sure I never dare to walk on them alone.

Now as a universally realized fact, there are many last-option-moments in life! I had to cross those roads, walking back from work, going to shopping, anytime and every time.

Commutation never stops neither in daily life nor in relationships. It ‘has’ to go on! But there is at least one option always hidden under the last option.

To my rescue there were Zebra lines on roads which legally meant that people crossing roads by zebra walkway will be less prone to accidental deaths. There was a faint one, the white almost married to grey of road but I could still find the patches of its bachelorhood and therefore relied on it for crossing the road with safety at least psychologically.

One day, rains happen! The road otherwise looks lustrous, the grey concrete shines today and the smell of soil makes everything hypnotic. I hastily keep walking in the wrong side and come to the Zebra spot and to my worst imagination, its nowhere! The marriage had succumbed the white line and all of it becomes grey, a dark blackish-grey! My last option also dissolves along with the dissolution of the white line! And I have No hope now, not even any hidden one in the last option!!

So, I look at my left, then to my right, mentally analyzing all the practical implications and the consequences that would follow. I again look at left, confirming & reassuring myself at the mental preparation, take  my right step out, out in the surface where it has always been more about hands than mind, and I ,Run..............!!!

A 'moment' Changes Everything

A decade long bond, which went through many roads, passed through many facades and escapades, fakings and confessions and still stands upright, structured  and re structured again and again. A relationship which passes the tests of time-trust-quarrels-admittance becomes the way the two of them are, towards each other, towards themselves.

There are long pages of a few important people in your life diary and you know this notepad is not spiral bound. Pages are not meant to be torn and flushed away, you like it or not, they will still be there, always and forever. They might fade a little but then comes a moment, when you go past ‘that’ page, revisit it and ‘that’ one moment changes everything. Everything here implies anything. Either you still have vision ahead for that page in your life or you just flip it over it, but if at all you do stop over that page for more than 2 minutes, be sure you have something still left to be read out loud from it.

These pages are the people rather the person(s), the souls that have mattered for so long in your lives, that seemed to be on top of all the priorities at one point of time in your life, so what if you don’t really text them every now and then today, you still have that feeling of ‘i-want-to-know’ how they are wherever they are. And these souls are not just the special some ones but also the Friends-the besties who always fought but still remained together; the people who could never fit into either of the categories –friends or specials but found a mid way for their own self, these guys are like the bookmarks in the life diary, so that to remind yourself on which page you were, they are the first thing you see.

Grammy-nominated artist David Gray’s “A moment changes everything” celebrates how a single moment between two people has the power to change everything about their relationship—a moment that takes their relationship to an elevated level.

So coming back to the moment when you somehow land on that page of your life, I say. Stick to it. That will be the moment that can decide what you will do ahead. I could have been fighting with my bestie all my life, getting irritated at small silly stuff but it might happen , that one blue day, when I am totally out of my nerves and would like to take a walk on a beach, the only person I could think of would be her .This one moment has changed  everything about her for me!

We just need to have ‘that one moment’ in our relationships-friendships and fights, to change it forever and for good. And when it comes, you just need to sense –this is it-the moment!

खुशनसीब बदनसीबी

When its all easy around, you know you can stand facing each other, when its difficult, you forget all the pretense, reasons and just shrink together-to face it!!

आमने सामने थे अब तक, 

रुसवाइयों का आलम था, 

शुक्र है जो ये मुश्किल वक़्त आया, 

तुम सामने से चल के, मेरे पहलू में तो आ गए !!

“A Relationship..Doesn’t shines by shaking hands in the best times..It blossoms by holding hands in critical times.”

राहत

दूर मुझे करके ,
ज़रा सुकून तो हासिल हो जायेगा 

'वक़्त तो बीत जायेगा , 

मगर,

सिलसिला शायद बदल जायेगा 

It’s a glass half full or glass half empty

It could be ‘shocking’ pink for one and ‘just’ pink for another; obsession for her, madness for him; love for some, addiction for others; expression for me, insanity for everyone else! When a glass is half filled with water, it’s up to you to decide its half filled or half empty.

Life is no big puzzle like this glass in question. In simple terms, life consists of just two entities- You yourself and everybody except you. Near-far, close-distant, strangers or not-so-strange, that’s how you can categorize each and every single person you have met throughout your entire birth hood to evil hood. It’s just being stupid , trying to make out problems out of nothing , figuring them out and coming up with a self-satisfactory(only) piece of shit which you can elevate in front of your ‘close’ ones and that only soothes your own ego (and I bet you know it).

Troubles don’t exist! They are just mental illusions which we make to keep us otherwise refrained and happy. We give our not-so-satisfied souls a little reason to be unhappy about something and then we do everything we can to come out of ‘it’ only to be happy .And being happy here is the name we give to ourselves swimming against the currents.

Acceptance is the mantra. ‘Something is always better than nothing’. I am reminded of a famous quote here  'I was sad because I had no shoes until I met a man that had no feet’(George Bernard Shaw)  Life is not that kind on everyone as it is on you. Stop grinning, sulking and bringing those annoying lines between your brows. Laugh so that people(from all the categories mentioned above) look forward for you. Smile because you are worth it!  Problems have a problem too; they stay away from people who say glass is half full!

So feel good, love candidly and giggle persistently .Guilt will shy away and who knows , the glass half empty can have some wine to ‘fill’ it up, if not water!

Hoping for the best myself!!

हार-जीत

इक कलम पकड़ कर सोचते हैं 

ज़िन्दगी की जंग जीत लेंगे 

क्या खबर पड़ने वालों को 

हम बहुत पहले मात खा चुके हैं 

सब्र

कभी फुर्सत हो ज़रा सी

           तो कह देना बस  इक बार इशारे से, 

शायद दिल की कहानियों को

            पल भर की राहत मिल जाए 

नए बहाने

When the nights are not just 7 hours without sun, the senses refuse to entertain any second thoughts and the silence speaks for itself.

"कागज़ और कलम से अब राते इंतिहा होती हैं 

हसरतों की महफिलों को नया ठिकाना जो हासिल हुआ है "

Sleeping SOULS

The symmetrically carved white stones that stood there with a perfect 6ft distance from each other, bearing the names of the souls sleeping like a baby inside them and speaking up for their fond remembrances could make me think of nothing else but SERENITY.

Photography: i-Capture

I could look at this wonderful sight where the souls slept across a fence of red wires intermingled with each other in diamond patterns. The day was bright and air had a haze of poise in it then! And all I could realize was that I was eye-witnessing a beautiful park (yes, I mean a park) where there was noise of tranquility, abstraction of illusions and contentment of attainment. The Cycle of life doesn’t starts in the womb where it’s just a scientifically visible lump of a new breathe. It starts from here, where  there is changing of clothes, the process of passing on the shell -somebody had been living in for so long, making it good/ bad /worse, bringing name or disgrace to this very own shell and then finally leaving it to others to keep it secure under a layer of soil forever!

The green carpet covering the faces was clearly extra green being nourished by various emotions in its roots. When a life ends, there are certainly emotions of sorrow and pain but there are many more sentiments that make that grass look even greener. Those are the sentiments of reaching to a certain point, zeroing in on at least something in life and putting an end to the zest which was never accomplished while living! Death is more about being able to travel finally to that much desired serenity than it is about grief! 

For the first time in life, I was not scared of the resting spirits; instead they were The Achievers to me who could find a destination in/after their lives. I travelled back with the thought of little brown-black birds perching happily over the graves, fearing only the pretentious innocence of life!

(Inspired by: Khirkee War Cemetry, Pune & My MusE)

खाली शामें

"मसरूफियत अब यही तेरे नाम पे कुछ अर्ज़ करूँ 

धूळ जमे पैमानों का , यही छलकता जाम है "

Chai and Champagne

The froth in the pan had boiled down to my cup…and I am all excited to let it flow through my throat as soon as possible..yeah its chai…my God of all times…good-bad, happy-sad, romantic-pathetic..it has always been my cup of tea that has relaxed me the most .Its an addiction to me, something which is really necessary for me to survive .God knows the reason why I fast for him (chai is allowed in fasting) and so somewhere I have started relating myself to it. Now that’s a twist, how can anybody relate or connect him/herself to a cup of tea.?? .well I surely can., a chai has got so many stories to weave around it , so many fragrances to feel about it..it is as Indian as I am..takes birth from the heart of the earth to which I am a child, it being my motherland.; the halo affect it passes through of its taste being judged by its brown colour as like my original Indian brown complexion ; .stands as a medicine for almost (I believe) every ailment, just like I feel so good about caring for people around me ; its aroma speaking for its character just like our behavior speaks for our own character and last but not the least the satisfaction and the comfort it gives to its beloved when brought to the lips…..that’s why I say.. it’s my’ God of all times’.

   
But is it chai which works for everybody. .certainly not!! So for that herd of the crowd  there is a Goddess .”.Champagne”. Goddess it is because satisfaction from a  goddess comes tagged with a sexual appeal. Sexual appeal, the champagne has plenty of it..indeed .It is more ‘not so Indian’ as we think it could be. Yellow for it adulteration, froth for its agitation, airy for its hollowness, flashy for its luxury but still lovely for its ability to arrest its beloved’s senses. Beloveds it has many, to which she is always a master no matter whether in bottle or inside!!

I sat down with my pen to do a write up on my last visit to Goa but what a cup of tea and a mug of champagne has to do with it…it has, a lot to do….!! Goa to me seemed to be a mug of champagne and most of the rest part of the country, of course chai. Not hesitant to mention when I stepped out my first foot on the land of Goa, I was fascinated like anything. The words of that moment were excitement, curiosity, and thrill. I was least aware of what Goa was all about but I wanted to explore it, as soon as I can. And I put the entire blame on the vibes of that place to make me think that way. Definitely the place has certain vibes which can make even an old heart feel like a young apple.
    I wont exaggerate if I say that the beaches there can drive anybody crazy and so do they did with me. It was the blue surf that I could feel under my foot , between me and the already wet sand as if it was creeping in me, no matter I wanted it to accept it or not, as fast as it can. One time, second time, third time, it kept on coming to me and going back just like a lover tries to pull his beloved back to him after an intrusion. It was deeply agitated but still quite, serene, it appeared grey but it was not hard to judge how many colors it has sacrificed to become this and that was the first time I realized in my life that there are things beyond my cup of tea which relax me, to which I can connect myself better . Somewhere at the back of my mind I also wanted to be like the sea, carefree, absolutely.
This was the first peg of the champagne that I tasted in Goa and it had already started spelling its magic on me..!

 The second peg of the evening came in an other form, in the form of the places there ,the forts. You can just stand at one nook of those amazing forts there, spread your hands wide , feel the vast waterbed ahead of you and you will actually feel the force of buoyant without even being in water! Isn’t that a magic again but that happens, just as in my case. I felt terrifically weightless, as if there was nothing in this world worth caring about, no issues worth to trouble me anymore and this became the second shock of my life, I was feeling airy, in this hypnotic environment. It was trying to take me somewhere I have never been..


The third and the last peg of my first experiment with this amazing drink came with a hick!! The nightlife of goa  and became something which I could never forget in my life, at first it was simply a dance floor and a wave of music that was there but I never thought it could be more engulfing than the sea was. While sipping this third peg I had a hit, and suddenly I discovered an absolutely new way to forget everything, to dump your thought process for a while by just being lost. Lost in the music, lost in the rhythm, lost in that atmosphere, there was so much noise that nobody could stay quite, to survive you have to shout and being loud by default kills all the itchy areas of your thought process. Certainly when you can’t think you cant be tensed anymore!

I was numb after my three pegs, done, exhausted, out of my senses and then I found a 6th sense reverting back to me...this was something I was never aware of but even in that state I could make out that this was the real me!!! I discovered an entirely new part of me...that is adventurous, fun-loving, carefree and hates thinking! Something  which my chai never introduced me to.
I came back from goa and with my luggage brought the thought that it couldn’t  always be  the same old good thing that can satisfy you which you think it might be doing well. Give time and explore yourself and know what actually satisfies you ,a cup of chai or a mug of champagne and then…a lot of things will turn straight. Now when I sit in my window in a nostalgic encounter with myself, I still love my cup of tea but the memories of the bubbles of the long and sleek glass ooze my emotions with a gentle smile!!

चलो इक बार फिर से, अजनबी बन जाएँ हम दोनों

कोशिशें रुसवाइयों की नाकाम हो जाएँ , इल्तिजा दिल की अब ये सारी है 

अजनबी बन के इक बार फिर से, कभी टकरा जाएँ हम दोनों 

Mixed bag of eMotionS

I stand by this beautiful water body: that is huge, infinite, engulfing, knows no limits, no horizons, just stretches till no fine line and finally gets smudged into its beloved; the sky. I want to have the feel of the moment, just want to be calm, quiet & disappear!!But just can’t do it. have several thoughts thundering in my mind simultaneously, I just cant concentrate and scared of ‘opportunity lost’ .I feel like running, running across the whirlpools, running away from what I am to reach what I should..I am satisfied but not happy, I am worried, I am itchy, disgusted about the consequences but yet serene about what took place. I don’t regret and there are no more buts’. I want to be the hose but I am pulled by the blue. I adore him but our personas are mutually so exclusive. I grip, he releases; I engulf, he sets free; I feel, he thinks. i know my destiny and thus try to stand calm that I am supposed to be.

                                  But ‘not everything grows under the shades of the big trees’. There are whirlpools at the loin of my skirt. Whirlpools that stand as a token of the numerous thunders in my mind. I desire to be different..Of what I am and what I should be. I tend to be happy about them but stopped by my concern of what people think of them.

Perplexive of my own dos and don’ts I happen to notice the new dam running on me. I am suddenly apprehensive. There is construction done to channel my current, to give a certain direction to it. To help me stay calm composed, tranquil. I don’t like the dam but still I have to accept it because I am conscious of my social strata. I am affirmative of people should think good about me and I try being accustomed.

                         But the story doesn’t get its due end here. The foe of my beloved- the rains come. I have the property to engulf and retain and the sky can’t see me knotting with somebody else. No matter if its just because of the ‘not so mutually exclusive trait’s that I and the rains share. Hence my desires are aroused, my water level touches the red marks on the walls of that dam and my urge dominates my logic.

I am free. I broke the channels. Going with the flow .I don’t know any boundaries .I am the lord of my own will. My embossment follows me. And as per my nature I engulf, I engulf so many lives, I am bewildered. Again decisive of what I am and what I should be. The rains are about to have the next kisser and I find myself alone. I am stoned, feel lost. I look up, the rains have left me all by myself but now the eyes of my love watch me. There is a sigh of relief. I turn back. People are relieved. I came as a flood , a flood of my fleeting attraction but going back as a relieved soul to get smudged into somebody who will  help me what I should be , and while crawling back I still think ‘what I am’.

Nocturnal Criminal

कुछ बातें रात की तन्हाई में शुरू होती हैं , रात के अँधेरे में ढल जाने के लिए 

दिन में जिनका कोई जवाब नहीं होता, और रात में जिन पर कोई सवाल नहीं उठता 

कुछ ख्वाब सुलगे होते हिं, जिन्हें हम दिल में दबाये रखते हैं 

आज लिख देंगे उन्हें इक कागज़ पर, क्या पता उड़ के वो पैगाम पहुँच जाये अपनी मंजिल तक 

Spooonfuls Of Regret

Life comes handy to us, at various stages, and the moment we surpass the difficult ones, we settle down to think of recalling the ‘right’ and ‘not-so-right’ fragments of what we did to come out of it. It’s a universal truth that not all of us are ‘so-very-right’ in all our deeds but what do we do then, we rebel! Personal declaration of insurgency against the whole world does not necessarily give us what we want, but yet we do it ,and do it with great vigor only to impress our own ego at the end of the day. But does that eventually provides us with at least if not the mission but the vision , probably not . Life still seems to us as the jar of spices wherein each element has its own say to sensualise the taste buds. So once your taste buds are aroused, you have to arrange for the flavor of their desire and there  comes the “working-by crook” syndrome. When you do something and you don’t like it (at least for the sake of your own moral) its time you should prepare yourself to put into your mouth the spoonfuls of regret. We may think of avoiding such set ups ever in our lives but they do come, necessarily and spoonfuls of regret become the ‘silver ones’ only when accepted with the inclination of a more lithe turn of mind , of converting the regret to an experience and not the gaffe.

"जाने कहाँ रख दिया"

कुछ लिखा था  ख़ास, उस रात इक पन्ने में 

जाने कहाँ रख दिया ,
जो कैद किया था उस लम्हे में 

जब साथ तेरा नहीं सिर्फ तकदीर था, 

जब मुद्दा तेरा सबसे हसीं था ,

ढूढती हूँ उसे बेतरतीब , सब कुछ बरबस उलट पलट के 

जाने कहाँ रख दिया , 

जो ज़िक्र किया था तेरा उन लव्जों में 

घडी तो रूकती नहीं, बेशर्म हो भागती जाती है 

पल जो मुट्ठी में भींच लिया, बस आह उसी की रह जाती है 

आज याद जब उस पल की आई 

जब तेरी फ़िक्र, मेरी ज़मीन थी

परेशान हूँ मैं अब भी 

जाने कहाँ रख दिया ,

जो एहसास अब नहीं मिलता

 औरों में ||