Catastrophe

It was a cumbersome night

And I woke up with the same nag of thoughts

My mind was still there, stuck,

Not relieved by the sleep, not even an inch

His memory, still stung like a bee

And with a swelling this time

It has started to show on my skin!  

I cry in the bathroom and the gallery

To vent out or try so at least,

He never liked me on my own you see,

And now his memories ensure the agony

Such is my own Catastrophe!!

खामोश शाम

सामने बादल गहरा रहा था
मन के भीतर कुछ और;
शाम जा रही थी..
सुंसनियात बढ़ती जा रही थी!
उसके तसव्वुर की तस्वीर भी अब,
धुंधली पड़ती जा रही थी;
और ख़ामोशी तो यूँ पाँव पसार कर बैठी थी ..
मानो कभी वापस जाने का इरादा ही न हो!

दिन ब दिन, शाम दर शाम,
मन की गिरह, शुन्य होती जा रही थी..
रात आसमान में छा रही थी या ज़िन्दगी में,
इन्ही सवालों में ज़िन्दगी बीती जा रही थी!!


एक परिंदा दिखाई दिया,
शायद घर को मुखातिब था;
यहाँ तो "घर" की तलाश में..
तलब सूखी जा रही थी!!

मुग़ालते

क्यों कर किसी मुग़ालते में रहें;
हैरत में जगें, बेगैरत में जियें ,

क्यों तवज्जो हो किसी एक शख़्स को इतनी,
के गैरहाज़िरी में हर लम्स, एक जंग सा लगे,
जज़्बात हो जाएँ हावी,
हर कशिश कैफियत ही लगे,

ज़हन को हर लम्हा सिए ,
बेसलूकी सहें, बदहवास रहें ,
क्यों किसी बेपरवाह इश्क़ की फिक्र में जियें,

क्यों नहीं रूबरू हों खुद से,
क्यूँ नहीं खुद से ही मुहब्बत करें,
न अश्क़ रहें, न ज़ख्म बहें,

क्यों कर किसी मुग़ालते में रहें?!?

Roadtrip

Life is a road trip

There are smooth stretches for a 200km/hr speed

And bumps to give mini fractures to everyone on the wheel

And there are views changing with every passing second

Scenic landscapes and mystical clouds

Moon to follow and wind to entwine with the soul

And there are also remote areas,

Barren, beaten and unkempt

Its mandatory to look at everything – it all comes in the package you know

You get down after hours of drive

Exhausted and jammed knees

Stretch yourself a bit and enjoy the round about scenery

Take a little break, give yourself a little shake

And get on the vehicle

To continue the journey

Destination is important but not more than the voyage

And then you look at your people

Sitting next to you in the car

And you make a little talk and once again get behind the wheels

But you have now learnt for the next bump and the potholes

You know that you need to slow down and you can easily avoid the jerking

And it would be so amazing before you get back on that 200km/hr track

Oh all this distress will be so worth just for that little fun

Just for that fun, you take it all

The bumps and the goosebumps and the jerks and the jacks

But you don’t stop and you don’t get scared

And you know in your heart, that’s the best bit of this adventure

You will come back a changed man filled with tales

This trip will give you pleasure as much as it gave you pain

…..

Life is such a Roadtrip

Let it come as it may!

Solo Show

Real wars are fought alone,

Honest tears trickled behind closed doors,

Mirrors gazed longer when lonely,

Perpetual peace earned in solace,

Lyrics absorbed than music in abandonment,

Poetry free flows only in solitude

Love associated more with absence than presence,

And real happiness comes only when truly yourself!

Love, Damage and Healing

@kaveeshaklicks #Bhuleshwar

There is so much rupture,

So much damage,

Yours and mine..

And still we allow all this!

We let this happen,

Between us, to us;

Taking a toll, isn’t it on us?

But yet we won’t leave the stupid ego,

The self-respect as we like to fondly call it..

We would let it scare the bejesus out of us

Take out the soul, throw it out of the damn window

And won’t even stop loving, somewhere deep down the heart

Waste the emotions, discard the passions,

All for what,

All this damage?

Let’s not rupture anymore , Let’s only heal

Each other and everyone around

We all need help

Let’s not expect but just love

Love unconditionally without any bounds

Let them have their space and ours just fine

Love is not rupture

Let’s believe in this again, with all our might

This damage is not worth it,

Maybe only love will heal this with time!

Shambles

The Pink Black Hole 

The Night was deepening, 

And they were both in shambles;

Reminiscing their own pieces,

Picking them one by one,

They spoke to each other in signs; 

Told each other to read between the lines.

Exhaling a little fake laughter every now &  then,

Fearing the night, fearing the next sun!  

Longer the conversation went, harder it became to hide,

They both missed right now,

What slipped from their hands...in time! 

The only permanent Relationship

Harvard University recently ran this survey where they asked people from different backgrounds, socials, status and demographics to figure out what brings them happiness. After quite a few years of study, they null down to the conclusion that the only real happiness came from Healthy Relationships. These relationships are not just with your spouse but with everyone around you – your neighbors, colleagues, your house help etc. etc.

Recently I also happened to meet this elderly lady, in her 50s struggling real hard to smile since her husband passed away and even after 1.5 years, she cried in the first 15mins that she met me. Her only question with life now was – “Who will I cook for now?” and that put me thinking, this lady invested her entire life serving her husband, cooking what he liked, living the way he wanted, forgot herself to be with his side and now that he is off- she is shocked, what is she going to do now, because she killed herself long back with this marriage. She doesn’t know what hobbies she might have, her interests; she wasn’t even very particular about the food that she liked herself- she was basically nobody now! She also happens to have a son who is now settled in the US and is willing to take her with him but she wants to stay in her husband’s house, dwelling upon the lost memories. She doesn’t want to move on and I feel she might not be able to – ever!

We humans, we are in a relationship even before we are born- with our moms. First person to hold us in arms is our daddy! We come home from the hospital and find there is a sibling too or a dog or a cat for that matter. We are pushed into relationships before we know what it is! And this cycle never ends – till the time we breathe our last.

Now in addition to these ‘compulsory’ relationships, we go ahead and make some on our own. Friends, colleagues,  neighbors. We also go to the extent of giving a lifetime commitment and step into ‘marriage’ thinking it will be a Happily Everafter! But does it stand true in most of the cases? No. People get separated all the time, either by their will or because of others. People cheat, people lie and why – to save another parallel relationship – Now is that one forever? Off course, that too is temporary. They know it won’t get too far but yet they continue the journey. And they spend their whole damn lives becoming the way people like them; they are in a relationship with. And all this for what? – For “Happiness” 

And they do one more blunder, they forget themselves. They forget to make the relationship most important of all –the one with themselves. They love too much – but others, they change- and for others, they dress – for others, they basically do every damn thing – everything for others. Parents die, marriages break, friends ditch, neighbors lie, colleagues steal and yet we think this is forever ever? Hell No.

The only relationship which is permanent is the one you have with yourself, Rest EVERY relationship is temporary.

The relationship you have with yourself is an affair that will last till your last. Some learned ones relate this ‘yourself’ to their faith, their God! For them their faith is everything. Some are too much in love with the art they practice and creating the artpiece will only be a love-making for them! It depends person to person what they love apart from material people and that’s exactly what I am trying to say here. Love Yourself first, people come and go, but YOU will stay till you stay!

Make out to yourself, indulge in yourself, and love yourself!

Because eventually it’s all about you

चीज़ें

ये जो चीज़ें हैं न
मेरी तुम्हारी
जो इधर उधर बिखरी रहती हैं..
मेरा चश्मा, घर की duplicate ताली,
तुम्हारा wallet , गाडी की चाभी,
dressing table पे मेरे झुमके
और तुम्हारा perfume , जो तुम कभी जगह पे नहीं रखते
बाहर सूखते हम दोनों के towels
.
.
.
कितनी सारी चीज़ें,
समेट समेट के परेशां हो गयी हूँ,

आजकल नहीं दिखती तुम्हारी चीज़ें ,
मेरे सामान के नाम पे
एक छोटी डायरी होती है बस!

ये जो चीज़ें हैं न..,
मेरी तुम्हारी,

बहुत परेशां करती हैं | 

क्या समझूँ ?

कुछ बाकी है हमारे बीच या सब ख़त्म समझूँ
अतना अर्सा गुज़र गया हमें "हम" हुए ,
इसका क्या मतलब समझूँ
सालों के जस्बात,
चंद महीनों में दफन हो गए,
इसे किसकी बेगैरत समझूँ;
एक बार मुझे पलट के देख तो सही,
तुम्हारी जाती हुई पीठ देख कर ही,
क्या समझूँ ?   

Dialogue!

"मेरे हिस्से वाला दिल का टुकड़ा संभाल के रखना"

"तेरा टुकड़ा थोड़ा नाज़ुक था न अभी
 सो सबसे ऊपर रखा है
 डर मत
 कुछ  नहीं होगा "

"नाज़ुक चीज़ें टूटने का सबसे ज़्यादा डर होता है
 इसलिए बोला"

"तभी तो सम्भाल के रखा है,
 जैसे कोई नयी जान हो"

"यूँ दिल के टुकड़े किये तो किये,
  एक उठा कर चल भी दिए"

"तुम्हारी आँखों से ओझल हुए कभी?
 इश्क़ की सहेलियां ये शिकायतें,
 उफ़्फ़ ...बिलकुल पागल हैं"  

.


.

                                       " कभी कभार दिल के कई टुकड़े करने पड़ते हैं                                                                             ताकि हर इश्क़ को थोड़ी थोड़ी जगह दी जा सके"

अनमनी

अनमने जस्बात हैं, अनमने ख़यालात हैं

अनमने से दिन हैं, अनमनी सी शाम है

अनमनी सी मैं हूँ, अनमने हालात हैं

असमंजस है, कश्मकश है,

उधेड़बुन है और ढेरों आघात हैं;

अनमना मन है,

और अनमनी है सारी ये ज़िन्दगी

न सुकून है, न छींट भर भी विश्वास है

है तो बस, सब कुछ अनमना

यही मन है, यही अब संसार  है!  

गाहे बगाहे

गाहे बगाहे
लोग मिला करते हैं आते जाते,
पूछ लिया करते हैं मेरा हाल बिना तसव्वुर किये
मैं भी सर हिला देती हूँ एक मुस्कान ओढ़ के ;
मगर जी नहीं करता हमेशा ये चादर पहनने का..
कभी कभार सब कुछ सच कहने को मन करता है!
चाहता है बोल दूँ ये वो नहीं जो दिखता है,
ये ऐसा बिलकुल नहीं...;

मगर हाल पूछने वाले ने भी इतना ख्याल किया होगा क्या,
यूँ ही हलके फुल्के मुझसे पूछने से पहले...
नहीं!
इसीलिए नहीं बताती,
बस लिख लेती हूँ
लिख के खुद के ही पास, रख लेती हूँ 

ये वो नहीं

तेरे ज़िक्र में मेरा ख़्याल नहीं
मेरे ख़्याल में तेरा ज़िक्र नहीं
किस मोड़ पे आ गए हाथों में हाथ लिए
एक दूसरे की फ़िक्र नहीं!
वक़्त नहीं,जस्बात नहीं
तू तू नहीं, मैं मैं नहीं;
ये वो दुनिया नहीं,
ये पहले जैसी ज़िन्दगी नहीं!!

कुछ शामें ऐसी भी

कुछ शामें हुई होंगी,

जब दिल का कुछ बोझ तूने भी हल्का किया होगा

कुछ गुनगुनाया होगा,

कुछ अरमान सा दिल से निकाला होगा;

न ज़रूरत पड़ी होगी किसी नशे की,

क्युकी इश्क़ ही बेशुमार हुआ होगा!

तूने कुछ देखा होगा , मैंने कुछ सुना होगा,

दोनों को कुछ तो एहसास  होगा.

कुछ शामें होंगी ऐसी तेरे पास भी,

जिनका ज़िक्र आज भी तू किया करता होगा