Ending 2014!

It’s the last day of this year 2014 today, right now as I sit in office desperately waiting to go home, I thought might as well put my pen down for a while after posting these last two creations of 2014! 

Though I wrote them down a day back or two, when I post this right now, I have newer emotions attached to it. It’s strange how poetry can be so flexible to provide meaning to different situations in life and sound different every time you read it depending on the state you are in right now!

1st Oil Painting: My Moon & the Sun

जब दो रूहों के मुस्तक़बिल ,

एक लम्हे में मयस्सर होते हैं; 

ईमान बदलते हैं, 

मगर जज़्बात वही रहते हैं; 

मुकम्मल हों यूँ ख्वाहिशें, 

इबादत यही रहेगी हमेशा; 

थोड़ी न रोज़ाना 

कश्मकश के आयाम जानिब होते हैं! 

Glossary:

मुस्तक़बिल – Fate, fortunes

मयस्सर- Available

ईमान- Intentions

जज़्बात- Emotions

मुकम्मल- Successful

ख्वाहिशें- Desires

इबादत- Prayer

जानिब- Face to face

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ख़लिश न बसे  अश्क़ों में 

रश्क़ न हो लफ़्ज़ों में,

जब भी ज़िन्दगी मामूली सा भी मौका दे 

भींच लो दोनों हाथों से ,

क्योंकि, ख़लिश खता है, 

और इस खता का मुआवज़ा मुनासिब नहीं!  

Glossary:

ख़लिश - Regrets

रश्क़- Complaint

खता- Mistake

मुआवज़ा- Compensation

मुनासिब- Possible 

At the end, pasting my personal wishes to all those who kept reading and motivating me!! 

Oil on Paperboard- "Two of us" 

Have a great productive and arty year all of you! 

More Love, More celebrations, More Poetry, More Colors, More Emotions and therefore More Love...!!! 

- Kaveesha

Please help me remember how it felt like being in love!

I am out of it currently.

Love used to special, warm and most importantly, gave chills in my belly. Now, it’s more of a routine, comfort zone and doesn't give anything to my belly anymore.

As a confession note, I would say: it has annoyed the bejesus out of me.

There are days when I don’t care about the heart-balance but there are days when I do, and desperately want to remember how it felt like being in love? Because I faintly reminisce that when I used to be in love, it was certainly a warm feeling. Not everything around used to be annoying, I didn’t feel the need to meditate or distract to calm myself down. Expectations were not mortified and dates were not just digits or fruit but moments! Now that I am out of it, I want to call it a phase and stop worrying about it. I like to tell myself that this all mayhem will pass and I shall reunite with the belly-butterflies. But remotely, I don’t think that’s going to happen.

Maybe I have saturated, even tired, of having loved so much in so many years gone by. Maybe I just need some break or change or just a neutral phase in between my in-love and not-in-love phases! Maybe it’s the consistency of the same presence or just the very comfortable comfort zone.  I am not certain of the solution strategy but certain that I would like to feel it all again!

Because at the end, love should live - And that’s all that matters!

"इश्क बदलता रहे कोई हर्ज़ नहीं;
इस मुकाम पे आकर लगता है के शायद उसका जिंदा रहना ज्यादा ज़रूरी था!"

Scar

A Scar

A Stitch

A Twitch, 

A History, 

A Mystery

A Story, 

A Pain

A Remembrance 

A Resurrection, 

A Memory,

A Story

A Scar..!! 

PS- Scars are sexy to have! Coz they carry a history, a story and something else than usual eyes/lips to remember in a face! \

PSS- I Have One! 

क्यों कर

क्यों कर सुख की चिंता है
क्यों कर मुस्कुराहटों की अभिलाषा है
जहाँ स्थायी- अस्थायी स्वयं अस्थिर हैं
वहां क्यों कर स्थिरता की कामना है,


जब कोई भी इस जगत में
पूर्णतयः निर्दोष नहीं
वहां क्यों एक तिल रहित चित्त की पिपासा है



विलक्षण होकर भी क्या होगा
जो होना है, अंत वही होगा
न जान पाओगे सीमाओं को,
न ही लांघ पाना मुनासिब होगा;
फिर क्यों कर सब कुछ जान लेने की इच्छा है


चिरंजीव सुख सिर्फ एक ढकोसला है

जानते हुए भी,

क्यों कर मुस्कुराहटों की अभिलाषा है??




------------------–-----------------------

खेद सहित,
कवीषा!!

Love in Social Media Times – PDA

PDA- Public Display of Affection: sounds cheesy! Right??  But sometimes it becomes imperative to do that!

With the digitization of everything and all of us living in our own small worlds, social media has become the new lanes where you stroll hand in hand by posting pictures or posting lovey dovey comments on each other’s posts and thus, the PDA!

Everything about PDA comes with a long train of criticism as well. There are tons of articles which tell you in how many ways the couples are just gross if they express love to each other in public. I have been part of that community as well, and more because I think, till then I wasn't getting any myself. 

Doing PDA in just the right limits can keep you off from social criticism as well as help to build your bond stronger.

·       With no ‘Good Morning’ messages ritual now, you wake up to a notification that your ‘louve’ has dropped a super sweet comment on your picture – not just admiring but how that sweetness has kept him stuck to you all these years- morning made right then and there!

·        Mutual friends and those reading every single comment of your pictures also get to know that the bond is going strong! This also goes for the secret admirers who are still secretly hoping for your break up.

·        Take it or not, real life compliments come rare!  In that case a well edited picture can help you get some much needed admiration :P  #selfesteemboost

·        Once you do any activity on any post, you automatically ‘follow’ that post and hence receive all the further activity. This might also give you about 5-10mins of discussion in your daily telephonic ritual especially when you have been in love for too many years and already drained out of topics.

·       It gives a sense that your better half is overall interested in your life – when half your life is spent sitting in front of a computer. And off course you can also get to know their other friends which will only add two more twinkles in their eyes that you care enough about them

·        You just keep feeling you are still in love!

But as I have also been a part of the hater’s community, there is also a little piece of advice

Word of Caution  

·         DON’T OVERDO IT! Love is not what is there for public display in your social online world but a little expression of it shows the commitment and keeps the life spiced up!

·         KEEP IT RARE! Keeping it rare will also keep the value of your compliment and the surprise along alive. Just doing it on every post will only irritate and you will lose that precious mental admiration in revert.

·         DON’T SPAM please for God’s sake!  People hate it when they are personally going through a rough love phase themselves and all they get to see on their feed is couples getting all cuddly – be human!

 So, PDA – because it’s as important as holding hands in public to make your beau safe and loved !!

PS- Once more I want to say – DON’T OVERDO IT!

इबारतें (4)

इबारतें रोज़ दफन होती हैं
एक के बाद एक
हर रोज़ नयी इबादतें मयस्सर होती हैं

मेरे हज की गलियों के नक्श
कुछ पहचाने से नहीं जाते
और गलियां,
उनका तो नामो निशान भी मुश्किल है

पन्ने जोड़ने पड़ते हैं
बेशुमार सिलवटें बढ़ती जाती हैं
मगर ये डूबती उभरती इबारतें,
मुझे मेरे हज की गलियों की
याद दिलाती हैं

इबारतें दफन होती जाती हैं
मगर इबादतें हर रोज़ नित नए
फन उठाती हैं!!

Ibaratein part 4 is here- yet again it took me almost an year to continue the series!
Writing this series, keeping same words and rhythm in all the four creations till date - i also realized that even the same words can say a thousand different meanings, they can explain different situations, different turmoils, dilemmas and also different people. I am the only lover who is constant in all these but my love has changed - and you can judge it right well if you go through all four! 

Read Ibaratein 3 + Ibaratein 2+ Ibaratein 1 here!! 

इबारतें : Writing
इबादतें: Prayers
नक्श:Map
मयस्सर :Available 

अज़ार

insta @kaveeshaklicks

दरवाज़े कई तरह के देखे होंगे
कुछ पुरानी लकड़ी के,
कुछ संगेमरमर के,
कुछ खुले, कुछ सांकल लगे हुए,
कुछ बंद भी होते हैं
खटखटाये जाने के इंतज़ार में,
और कुछ होते हैं अज़ार;

आने जाने वालों की,
निपट खबर से परे,
न खुद की सुध, न ही चेष्टा,
मानो उन्हें कोई फर्क ही नहीं पड़ता,
क्युकी न तो वो बंद हैं, न ही खुले,
सांकल गर  हो भी तो वह भी सिर्फ दिखावे की,


काश मन भी ऐसा ही होता,
न मौसम से रोज़ सड़ती लकड़ी का,
न अपनी शोहरत के दिन याद करता संगेमरमर का,
न भीतर घुसने वालों का मोह,
न बाहर जातों का अफ़सोस,
बस यूँ ही होता,
अज़ार!

     

A real relationship is boring, real-life and stunningly ordinary

A real relationship is boring, real-life and stunningly ordinary!! Yes that is a fact!

I have been into a relationship with a simple and ordinary man for more than 5 years and we eventually plan to settle down together because we have already given in so many years settling down with each other.

We have been opposites, real opposites with the extremes of liking for clubs vs liking for a cheap drink at a dhaba with Kishore Kumar songs in the background evening; love for all sorts of art in the world around vs love for a subtle “Its good whatever it is” attitude; craving for a life like they show in films vs sticking to real ground basic realities kind of routine; adventure & excitement vs the ultimate comfort zone!! The list can go on but I have been telling myself that “opposites attract” and that’s why so many years!

Like every product has its own Product Life Cycle (management theory), I think it’s a universal law rather than just management studies. During teens, those butterflies in the stomach just on the mention of that someone were love? After then dealing with daily routine issues and counselling each other was so! In between all these years, accepting each other for what they are became the practice! You go through a lot you see, from being the bud to the blossom- not only your bosoms change but a whole lot ‘new’ creeps in too. After several years of courtship, I might make myself think it’s the “stagnation” phase of our product but then I couldn’t have kept those butterflies alive all this long too!

So finally you wonder whether it’s really love-love or it’s just a habit (read practice) of being with each other. Let’s be frank here, after all these years, smallest of daily rituals like a phone call also don’t really matter ( I mean it’s okay if you don’t talk on a daily basis or don’t reply to their texts – the other can assume you are busy and doesn’t give much thought to it) I might criticize him for not having that “excitement filled” relationship but – if you are an avid traveler too, wont you feel like getting home after a while? Or eating out together for several days in a row will definitely make you crave for home made dal- chaawal?  (at least I do)

I think this real, basic ground, no adventure but contentment- kind of life is more real!  This – I don’t care how you look- I just know that I like you as you are – is the kind of attitude which can take me further and let me not crib over every inch I gain in future! An evening at home with the television might sound extremely boring but hey, I can be in my pajamas with a face pack on and cuddle with him and not care about the damn world!! See, lot of pros here too.

The level of excitement for a relationship is not real, what matters more is making peace with it!!

PS- I don’t plan on being the boring kind of better half. :P

क्या है इश्क़

अरसे हो गए जब दुनिया को ऐलान करते
की हाँ इश्क़ में हैं हम,
आज सोचते हैं,
कमबख्त ये इश्क़ आखिर है क्या

कमसिन उम्र में,
जब पेट में तितलियाँ उड़ा करती थीं
उनके ज़िक्र के नाम से,
सोचते थे इश्क़ जो है यही है ;

जो थोड़ा होश संभाला
और जो खुद के गुनाहों का दौर आया
उन्होंने जो गुनाह नज़रअंदाज़ कर दिए,
सोचते थे इश्क़ जो है यही है;

जब इश्क़ भी इश्क़ के गुनाहों में संग गुनहगार हो गया,
और दोनों ने मिल के उसे दुनिया से छुपाया,
तब सोचा हो न हो, इश्क़ यही होगा;

मगर आज,
जब इश्क़ की आखिरी
मंज़िल पाने का मुकाम आया;
तब सोचते हैं,
कहीं ये महज़ सालों की आदत तो नहीं?

क्युकी तितलियाँ तो अब,
दूर दूर तक नहीं;
और गुनाह छुपाने का हुनर भी
खूब सीख गए हैं;

आज जब अरसे हो गए
उस ऐलान को ,
तब सोचते हैं,
कमबख्त ये इश्क़ आखिर है क्या!!   

पुराना शेर

एक पुराना शेर याद आया 
और शेर जब पहली बार कहा था, 
वो ज़माना भी संग आया
भूली गलियों में वापिस भटकने को
अपने मन का
एक बार और मचलने का दिल हो आया
पुराने शेरों की क्या बात कह दी, 
उनसे जुड़ा हर एक अरमान याद आया!
बीते अरमानों का जो मैंने हलके से हाथ सहलाया, 
सच..
वही पुराना शेर, जो उस वक़्त यूँ ही कह दिया था,
मुझे आज याद आया!
इत्तेफाक से आज फिर कुछ ऐसा हुआ
कि दिल भर आया,
वही पुराना मौसम निकला;
आज उसने फिर से सब कुछ दोहराया
आज फिर दिल भर आया 
तो मुझे फिर,वही पुराना शेर याद आया!


Also pasting the so much talked about "पुराना शेर" here: 
"ये गम भी मुझे अज़ीज़ है, 
ये उन्ही की दी हुई चीज़ है"

वो जगहें

वो जगहें हम जहाँ से गुज़रे थे कभी
अब दोबारा जब रूबरू होंगी तो शायद वो न होंगी
लोग अलग होंगे माहौल अलग होगा
शिर्कतें अलग होंगी और  शायद साथी भी अलग
तो दोबारा उन रास्तों को उस नज़र से देखना ही नहीं
गर देखा तो उम्मीद वही होगी
पर मंज़र अलग होगा! 

Love and Other Affairs

Love Affair: Intellectual Affair: Sexual Affair

All three mentioned above are different, trust me! They are far apart from each other and distinctive too or exclusive in their own ways as I might put it!

We are humans and all of us possess heart, brain and hormones. All these three are just there to fulfill desires of each of them.

The sanest one considered socially is the Love Affair. It’s the usual one as we all know it, fall in love, feel emotional, feel attached, feel special, feel possessive, feel every emotion you know for that one person with whom you are not really scared to spend the rest of your life. Reciprocation is the key in this one and we are not judged for carrying forward this one. We do it since we step into teens and keep applying Trial & Error till we finally decide who that ‘one’ is. Generally this one ends on the note of marriage and there it goes away from your life!

The next level could be the Intellectual one. Here you don’t do anything. You just talk, just let your heart out. But you talk in every possible way, you talk with mouth (like normal people do), you talk with eyes (You can only do that if the other person is really looking deep in your eyes & admiring them too for that matter), you talk with heart and you don’t leave a thing behind in your heart or in your nostalgic lanes for that matter. You talk society, you talk philosophy, you talk of the stupid things you did as child and all those eve-teasing incidents which still sit heavy on your heart. You talk sense (well, mostly) and non-sense. You talk it all out and in return are being told that no matter how childish you talk, you sound so mature! You hear too (sorry I forgot to add that bit earlier) and you hear a lot. You hear things unsaid and you hear the rhythematic oscillation of their heartbeats. You hear what they are going to say next and you say it before they say it and that’s everything about this sort of affair.

In the third one, I don’t want to describe what happens but something surely happens which hasn’t been happening so far.

It might be possible that we have all three of these with one person or all three with three different persons. It depends on the capability of those other people; but if you are involved in all three of them, be assured you are capable of something extra for sure! Your ten percent might be somebody’s 100% and their 100% might be 20% for you. So it’s totally okay to experience all of these- ‘individually’ & ‘exclusively’ with different people.  As they say “Nobody is born perfect’ but probably YOU were and then it became an equally annoying job to find somebody as perfect as you..!! So go ahead.

PS- Started writing something earlier but had to leave it in the middle, would just add that patch here-

Sometimes we do what we don’t want to do and yet we do it.  Because it might be, that what we did, was something we always wanted to do , but we thought, we didn't want to do it, coz we  thought we shouldn't (Social Parameter Alert) do it!  

Better to do what you want to do, coz we are anyway not doing what we were supposed to do!  

#Love_Peace_And_Happiness_To_All 

We ALL fought, learned, changed, grew stronger and hoped!

We all are fighting, all day, all time. Some are fighting bad bosses, some fighting work pressures, some fighting bitter breakups, some fighting their dreams! Some are fighting with others, some without those others! Some with themselves and some have already given up!

We all fought!

But in all this process, we all grew up a little, isn’t it? We all learned to ACCEPT and SURVIVE!! We learned to deal with the feeling of being rejected, with the hopelessness of not being loved back, the anxiety of hearing the truth about ourselves, the effort of putting ourselves back together, and if there was no one in sight , even patting our own backs just to keep the morale high!

We all learned!

We started pretending, we faked ourselves, we got overwhelmed and eventually managed to pull off with a little more controlled behavior! Finally when we thought we got this mask of pretention for the war with everything, we thought we became so cool, but oops! In all this process, we changed, and we changed a lot..!!

We all changed!

Just like a soldier returns to his camp after that long day of guarding the territory , we got back home , to ourselves, to our real selves at the end of the day and thought what the hell we were doing? We managed a great face all through the day but hello! What about now! I myself know the reality and how am I going to fight that?  So, we wore another mask – the mask of strength! We soothed ourselves, did things what we really liked, being with people who loved us even when we totally ignored them, we ate the way we liked and as much as we liked, we wrote whatever crap to our minds but cooled it off! We looked horrible but felt wonderful!

We all became strong!

And then we all got ready to fight once more if we have to with hope of being prepared for the next war , keep our masks handy so that we are not searching them around if the war is on without the bigul, and exhaled “this too shall pass…” !

We all hoped for better!

ALL of us

Goodbyes are fun

I might sound contrary to the usual belief of saying goodbye with a heavy heart but trust me, all of them aren’t that hard on you especially when you really want to get “rid” of a fewer lot!

Goodbyes are hard when you are leaving home, a place where you are most of yourself, not faking yourself even for a second, not getting overwhelmed and not being judged. Goodbyes from those- are definitely hard. Goodbyes aren’t hard at all when they are about homecoming, waving a pity hand at everybody whom you hated or cursed even for a split second- they are fun, mad “fun”.

Being "stuck"

Every one of us must have had this feeling of being “stuck” at least for once in our lives and talking from experience, being stuck surely sucks!! So what have you tried doing in those situations (in the stuck situations), tried to soothe yourself out? How?  By thinking something good? And what rather whom did you think about – your people back at home, right!! Saying goodbye to those are hard and these, who totally took the crap out of you, ha ha, its crazy fun (do try it sometime yourself)

But fun is no free ride right? You got to pay for it and pay really heavy sometimes! Infarct fun is this very temporary thing that you already know will perish in some time  and still you want to stretch a little more than you deserve and then you stretch it so much that before you realize , either the band breaks or comes back at you like a boomerang slapping you hard! That’s the price of fun.  In case the band had hit you, “that” goodbye would have been fun (the getting rid of feeling). If the band wouldn’t have hurt you even a bit and got lost somewhere, that goodbye would be hard.

But one good thing about those “fun” goodbyes, they don’t give you pain except a lesson. You say them not halfhearted but fully aware in your conscious that this it, this is the bottom line and here it ends. You don’t carry back a hope and definitely no false hopes. They might give you not-so-good memories for some time but don’t worry, when you are in a stuck situation again, you will only think of the “good memories.”

So keep your goodbyes fun , and to those with whom goodbyes are hard, don’t say goodbye to them, ever, at all!