Another League- No time for (M)ARRIAG(E)

One fine day, when the muhurat is shubh and it’s a weekend, you exchange rings, commit vows and get married. For a lot of forthcoming days,  you have constant supply of new pictures for social media. Everything is great and then it starts settling down, you resume work, resume routine and resume the old yet more comfortable wardrobe.  Slowly and steadily, after multiple months you wake up from your marriage and realize it’s necessary to go and get some me time!

This ‘me time’ is different for everyone. For a lot of people like me, who are easily bored, this me time varies. Sometimes it’s a great cup of coffee by myself, curling up to a book and sometimes it’s going out there again, hanging out with strangers, get some fun and party real hard! And one fine day when you finally do it there are two grave realizations: One – you have a ring on your finger Second- You totally feel out of the place amongst the still buoyant, single bunch. And it’s HARROWING! This feeling – you used to rule this space and now you are just looking for a corner where another one from your league might come, catch up with you and you can feel a little better about not being alone in this – this feeling is harrowing itself. You feel old even if you haven’t touched 30s yet, and its bitter trust me. When people say “I wanna grow old with you” while proposing , I am like yeah, you will because that’s what marriage does to you It makes you feel real old on the inside. So you are thinking, oh maybe I am so out of the league, maybe I should make plans with my own league, people in similar life situations with a spouse and a routine, and yeah maybe I shouldn’t be talking too engrossed with the cute French guy right next to me – Hah! This is shit. I anyway had no intentions to get to know him beyond the geography and I am not on Tinder, I mean the spouse should just be capable to appreciate this fact alone. You might be even given the introduction sometimes “hey guys, she is just my colleague and we are not dating or anything and she has a husband” – I mean why on the planet would you just kill all my prospects of even having a goof conversation in the shadow of benefit of doubt?

It’s really another league for people like us or are we just cribbing for some attention- I am not too sure but (M)AARIAG(E) changes a lot of you and yes you fucking get old!

A real relationship is boring, real-life and stunningly ordinary

A real relationship is boring, real-life and stunningly ordinary!! Yes that is a fact!

I have been into a relationship with a simple and ordinary man for more than 5 years and we eventually plan to settle down together because we have already given in so many years settling down with each other.

We have been opposites, real opposites with the extremes of liking for clubs vs liking for a cheap drink at a dhaba with Kishore Kumar songs in the background evening; love for all sorts of art in the world around vs love for a subtle “Its good whatever it is” attitude; craving for a life like they show in films vs sticking to real ground basic realities kind of routine; adventure & excitement vs the ultimate comfort zone!! The list can go on but I have been telling myself that “opposites attract” and that’s why so many years!

Like every product has its own Product Life Cycle (management theory), I think it’s a universal law rather than just management studies. During teens, those butterflies in the stomach just on the mention of that someone were love? After then dealing with daily routine issues and counselling each other was so! In between all these years, accepting each other for what they are became the practice! You go through a lot you see, from being the bud to the blossom- not only your bosoms change but a whole lot ‘new’ creeps in too. After several years of courtship, I might make myself think it’s the “stagnation” phase of our product but then I couldn’t have kept those butterflies alive all this long too!

So finally you wonder whether it’s really love-love or it’s just a habit (read practice) of being with each other. Let’s be frank here, after all these years, smallest of daily rituals like a phone call also don’t really matter ( I mean it’s okay if you don’t talk on a daily basis or don’t reply to their texts – the other can assume you are busy and doesn’t give much thought to it) I might criticize him for not having that “excitement filled” relationship but – if you are an avid traveler too, wont you feel like getting home after a while? Or eating out together for several days in a row will definitely make you crave for home made dal- chaawal?  (at least I do)

I think this real, basic ground, no adventure but contentment- kind of life is more real!  This – I don’t care how you look- I just know that I like you as you are – is the kind of attitude which can take me further and let me not crib over every inch I gain in future! An evening at home with the television might sound extremely boring but hey, I can be in my pajamas with a face pack on and cuddle with him and not care about the damn world!! See, lot of pros here too.

The level of excitement for a relationship is not real, what matters more is making peace with it!!

PS- I don’t plan on being the boring kind of better half. :P

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