महफूज़ लड़ियाँ

Sandook

कुछ हर्फ़ पिरोये रखे थे,
लडियां बना कर ,
अरसों से , संदूक में महफूज़ छोड़े थे

सोचा था ,
सदियाँ बीतने के बाद ,
वक़्त की थोड़ी धूल चड़ने के बाद ,
इन लड़ियों का मोल बदल जायेगा ,
शायद थोडा और बेशकीमती हो जायेगा ;

BlackPearls 

पर वक़्त हमेशा नहीं उड़ता ,
थोड़ी धूल जमी ही थी ,
कि व्याकुल हाथ उन सहेजी लड़ियों को टटोलने लगे,

पाया लडियां बिलकुल वैसी थीं ,
अब सोचती हूँ ,
कल सुनार को दे आउंगी ,
शायद अभी सहेजने का वक़्त नहीं आया है

The Moment Before The Moment

 You feel like reading? At times, yes! Why , because you just want to relax, may be you just want to lie down and do nothing , may be you just want to live some other character right now, may be you have taken enough and you are taking a little more, to make it enough-  just enough!

That’s what happens when you read! Reading is a process which generally happens to people while it’s ongoing, while they are actually reading it – thinking what the author is throwing at them and just living the characters mentioned in those alphabets! To other few it may also happen while its going on and also “after” it, they may well lie down in their beds and think of the characters or may be the story or the beautiful visualization the author created there or the “outcomes” as everybody might want to call it. But to some (maybe I am referring to the clan of people, I belong) it also happens before, before actually picking up a book and start reading it! The process actually starts from there- just when you felt like reading, just before the moment when you thought of picking that book up and get engrossed in it.

The reflective smile - the "moment"

Any moment is generally called a moment because of the things that happened in those moments – but actually the moment is just before the moment – that moment when you thought of making the next moment a “moment” – when you “FELT” like doing it , what you did eventually !

That is the biggest urge – that is the line which we cross, that is the time when the human sense called “control” would have worked but at times – it just doesn't works out! It doesn't let any command of your mind travel to your heart and the rest just follows! That is how most of the moments become moments – in real senses! And of we control it, it becomes another moment, but it still is a moment anyway, right!!

So absorb the most of “when you felt like doing it “– because that is the real moment- and rest what happens or follows – trust me – it was all destined!

Live it up – the moment before the moment!

“You are what you delete”

You are what you delete --- It’s a copied thought but so true! So many times, so many words are poured on a word doc and then backspace button un-does it all! Why- may be this piece of thought doesn't wants to go public, may be this part of the person doesn’t wants to be seen, or may be this emotion just wants to stay inside and grow bigger.

Hiding away is one aspect but hiding and yet growing it inside is totally another.

Situations happen-you do certain things in a certain way in that situation and then that situation – that moment is gone, but once that moment has passed, does it happens that you think you could have done something else in this situation – you could have behaved little differently – then things might not be the way they are right now- they may have changed – they may have been better – they may have been according to you, the way you wanted them to be!!

Holding back yourself – that’s what you did-then, in that moment- you didn’t blurt out yourself and now the moment has passed away. Holding back was difficult, painful rather, but did it help? What held you- you were thinking of the eventual outcomes of “resistibility” or you realized there are some common human emotions in you like ‘ego’ – whatever it was- you haven’t done justice to yourself- at least not in that moment.

Now the moment has already passed but the urge and the desire isn’t dead yet. So, you shall wait, wait for the urge to grow bigger within you – wait till the time when you feel that holding back happened for good, wait till you feel the moment was worth it and when you get the vibes that its time- just blurt it out!

But oh!- the wait seems to have missed its worth- here’s a new discovery within yourself—the time, desire and efforts that went in doing  everything to get it back seem to be a waste- the situation doesn’t seems be deserving enough – a wrong choice or may be a wrong realization- And ‘now’ another situation is happening to you- this is called “Helplessness”!

Nothing is worse than this feeling, nothing so handicapped – when you do it all, with your heart, mind, body and soul – but still- nothing happens!

And this is the time- when you write and delete-this is the real You!

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PS:

§  Live every moment, don’t miss, don’t regret-do what you feel like and not think like doing in that moment.

§  Nothings worse than Helplessness

§  Resistibility is a bitch

§  Remember, eventually, it’s only about YOU!

पुरानी किताब

पुराने किस्सों से सराबोर 

पीले पड़  चुके पन्नो वाली उस किताब को 

मैं एक दिन यूँ ही  पलट के देख रही थी , 

हर पन्ने की सिलवट के साथ 

उस सिलवट की वजह सोच रही थी;

यादें ज्यादा थी और शब्द कम 

उस रात मैं भी न जाने क्या क्या सोच रही थी 

बहुत देर बाद 

जब यादों की नींद से जागी 

महसूस हुआ अब हकीकत में लौटना चहिये 

पन्ने पपड़ा गए थे 

मैंने किताब को किसी तरह बंद कर 

एक भारी ताले से दबा दिया 

पर उस रात बारिश हुई थी 

तेज़ हवा से ताला सरक गया था 

और 

एक अनचाहा सा पीला पन्ना 

मेरे सामने खुल गया था !!

ऐसा भी होता है

Photo- http://bit.ly/QRtbhz

क्या तुम्हें मालूम है ,

ऐसा भी होता है, 

कभी कभार, 

गले में जैसे कुछ, 

अटका सा रहता है; 

सांस का रुख पलट जाता है 

और आँखों का समा ज्यादा रौशन नहीं होता 

मालूम है ऐसा कब होता है, 

जब कुछ अपना, बहुत अपना 

कहीं खो जाता है 

और मैं सोचती हूँ ,

अभी तो यहीं था , ऐसे कैसे खो सकता है 

कुछ दिन ढूँढती  हूँ, 

फिर थोडा मन को समझाती  हूँ, 

अब क्या होगा सोचने से ;

और मन फिर से ज़रा सा ,

भर सा आता है! 

वैसे भी

http://bit.ly/QRtbhz

रास्ते तो हमारे रहने दो 

मंजिलें तो वैसे भी तुम्हारी हैं 

साथ रहना मुनासिब नहीं , 

हाथ थाम के चलना, 

उस में भी क्या शिकायत है

क्यूँ खामखा की दूरियां हैं 

क्या अब भी कुछ छुपा हुआ दरमियाँ है 

ये साथ ही है , जो कुछ भी है 

कहने को मेरा अपना 

जो आगे होना है, 

वो तो अभी से बेगाना है 

कहने दो ना जिसे जो कहना है 

जो मेरा है , 

वो तो वैसे भी तुम्हारा है 

इरशाद किया है

जो बात बाहर आई है,
 न जाने कितने  दिनों से पक रही थी 

मुट्ठी तो बंद थी ,

मगर रेत फिर भी रिस रही थी 

ज़र्रा ज़र्रा समेत के,

 इन लव्जों को पिरोया है 

नज़्म नहीं ये तो,

 मेरे ज़ेहेन का  इक रोयाँ  है 

मिल जाये कोई 

जो साफ़ दिल से इल्तिजा करे 

पकी हुई भूख का

 ये तो पहला निवाला है 

There are moments when you have so many good things around you and you can’t capture them all and keep them forever, u can’t click a photograph or possibly u can’t take down the notes and all you can do is open up yourself to the limit even you don’t know. Hear it will all your senses and absorb the moment. Take mind pictures and just live the moment!!

This poem is inspired by one of my most eventful and candid conversation with Irshad Kamil (a renowned Poet/lyricist) And i could see that more or less all poets cross the same roads in their lives! Thereby naming this poem after his name!! 

किस्मत

खुद के दिल के हाथों मजबूर होना 

कहीं ज्यादा बेहतर है,

किस्मत का धोखा खाने से 

डायरी

There are times when every writer suffers through a Creative Blockage, the time when your mind becomes blank, no incoming outgoing of ideas, thoughts , feelings. same happened with me! Then My Diary, my best friend came to my rescue! This piece of poetry highlights how painful at times it gets for a write not able to write something for days!! 

The Diary

कुछ भूल रही हूँ शायद, या फिर कुछ और सोच रही हूँ

पढ़ रही हूँ कुछ, और तस्वीर कोई और देख रही हूँ

मन भटका है, आजकल यूँ ही कोरी घूम रही हूँ

आदतें छूट रही हैं, पर मैं क्यों उन्हें छूटने दे रही हूँ 

हाँ याद आया

एक डायरी रक्खा करती थी पास हमेशा

जो अच्छा लगता था, झट से उसमे लिख लेती थी

आज जब ढूंदा  उसको , तो याद आया वो तो घर पे रह गयी 

हाँ याद आया

अबतक यही भूल रही थी 

यही आदत थी, जो छूट रही थी 

A 'moment' Changes Everything

A decade long bond, which went through many roads, passed through many facades and escapades, fakings and confessions and still stands upright, structured  and re structured again and again. A relationship which passes the tests of time-trust-quarrels-admittance becomes the way the two of them are, towards each other, towards themselves.

There are long pages of a few important people in your life diary and you know this notepad is not spiral bound. Pages are not meant to be torn and flushed away, you like it or not, they will still be there, always and forever. They might fade a little but then comes a moment, when you go past ‘that’ page, revisit it and ‘that’ one moment changes everything. Everything here implies anything. Either you still have vision ahead for that page in your life or you just flip it over it, but if at all you do stop over that page for more than 2 minutes, be sure you have something still left to be read out loud from it.

These pages are the people rather the person(s), the souls that have mattered for so long in your lives, that seemed to be on top of all the priorities at one point of time in your life, so what if you don’t really text them every now and then today, you still have that feeling of ‘i-want-to-know’ how they are wherever they are. And these souls are not just the special some ones but also the Friends-the besties who always fought but still remained together; the people who could never fit into either of the categories –friends or specials but found a mid way for their own self, these guys are like the bookmarks in the life diary, so that to remind yourself on which page you were, they are the first thing you see.

Grammy-nominated artist David Gray’s “A moment changes everything” celebrates how a single moment between two people has the power to change everything about their relationship—a moment that takes their relationship to an elevated level.

So coming back to the moment when you somehow land on that page of your life, I say. Stick to it. That will be the moment that can decide what you will do ahead. I could have been fighting with my bestie all my life, getting irritated at small silly stuff but it might happen , that one blue day, when I am totally out of my nerves and would like to take a walk on a beach, the only person I could think of would be her .This one moment has changed  everything about her for me!

We just need to have ‘that one moment’ in our relationships-friendships and fights, to change it forever and for good. And when it comes, you just need to sense –this is it-the moment!

सब्र

कभी फुर्सत हो ज़रा सी

           तो कह देना बस  इक बार इशारे से, 

शायद दिल की कहानियों को

            पल भर की राहत मिल जाए 

Chai and Champagne

The froth in the pan had boiled down to my cup…and I am all excited to let it flow through my throat as soon as possible..yeah its chai…my God of all times…good-bad, happy-sad, romantic-pathetic..it has always been my cup of tea that has relaxed me the most .Its an addiction to me, something which is really necessary for me to survive .God knows the reason why I fast for him (chai is allowed in fasting) and so somewhere I have started relating myself to it. Now that’s a twist, how can anybody relate or connect him/herself to a cup of tea.?? .well I surely can., a chai has got so many stories to weave around it , so many fragrances to feel about it..it is as Indian as I am..takes birth from the heart of the earth to which I am a child, it being my motherland.; the halo affect it passes through of its taste being judged by its brown colour as like my original Indian brown complexion ; .stands as a medicine for almost (I believe) every ailment, just like I feel so good about caring for people around me ; its aroma speaking for its character just like our behavior speaks for our own character and last but not the least the satisfaction and the comfort it gives to its beloved when brought to the lips…..that’s why I say.. it’s my’ God of all times’.

   
But is it chai which works for everybody. .certainly not!! So for that herd of the crowd  there is a Goddess .”.Champagne”. Goddess it is because satisfaction from a  goddess comes tagged with a sexual appeal. Sexual appeal, the champagne has plenty of it..indeed .It is more ‘not so Indian’ as we think it could be. Yellow for it adulteration, froth for its agitation, airy for its hollowness, flashy for its luxury but still lovely for its ability to arrest its beloved’s senses. Beloveds it has many, to which she is always a master no matter whether in bottle or inside!!

I sat down with my pen to do a write up on my last visit to Goa but what a cup of tea and a mug of champagne has to do with it…it has, a lot to do….!! Goa to me seemed to be a mug of champagne and most of the rest part of the country, of course chai. Not hesitant to mention when I stepped out my first foot on the land of Goa, I was fascinated like anything. The words of that moment were excitement, curiosity, and thrill. I was least aware of what Goa was all about but I wanted to explore it, as soon as I can. And I put the entire blame on the vibes of that place to make me think that way. Definitely the place has certain vibes which can make even an old heart feel like a young apple.
    I wont exaggerate if I say that the beaches there can drive anybody crazy and so do they did with me. It was the blue surf that I could feel under my foot , between me and the already wet sand as if it was creeping in me, no matter I wanted it to accept it or not, as fast as it can. One time, second time, third time, it kept on coming to me and going back just like a lover tries to pull his beloved back to him after an intrusion. It was deeply agitated but still quite, serene, it appeared grey but it was not hard to judge how many colors it has sacrificed to become this and that was the first time I realized in my life that there are things beyond my cup of tea which relax me, to which I can connect myself better . Somewhere at the back of my mind I also wanted to be like the sea, carefree, absolutely.
This was the first peg of the champagne that I tasted in Goa and it had already started spelling its magic on me..!

 The second peg of the evening came in an other form, in the form of the places there ,the forts. You can just stand at one nook of those amazing forts there, spread your hands wide , feel the vast waterbed ahead of you and you will actually feel the force of buoyant without even being in water! Isn’t that a magic again but that happens, just as in my case. I felt terrifically weightless, as if there was nothing in this world worth caring about, no issues worth to trouble me anymore and this became the second shock of my life, I was feeling airy, in this hypnotic environment. It was trying to take me somewhere I have never been..


The third and the last peg of my first experiment with this amazing drink came with a hick!! The nightlife of goa  and became something which I could never forget in my life, at first it was simply a dance floor and a wave of music that was there but I never thought it could be more engulfing than the sea was. While sipping this third peg I had a hit, and suddenly I discovered an absolutely new way to forget everything, to dump your thought process for a while by just being lost. Lost in the music, lost in the rhythm, lost in that atmosphere, there was so much noise that nobody could stay quite, to survive you have to shout and being loud by default kills all the itchy areas of your thought process. Certainly when you can’t think you cant be tensed anymore!

I was numb after my three pegs, done, exhausted, out of my senses and then I found a 6th sense reverting back to me...this was something I was never aware of but even in that state I could make out that this was the real me!!! I discovered an entirely new part of me...that is adventurous, fun-loving, carefree and hates thinking! Something  which my chai never introduced me to.
I came back from goa and with my luggage brought the thought that it couldn’t  always be  the same old good thing that can satisfy you which you think it might be doing well. Give time and explore yourself and know what actually satisfies you ,a cup of chai or a mug of champagne and then…a lot of things will turn straight. Now when I sit in my window in a nostalgic encounter with myself, I still love my cup of tea but the memories of the bubbles of the long and sleek glass ooze my emotions with a gentle smile!!

Mixed bag of eMotionS

I stand by this beautiful water body: that is huge, infinite, engulfing, knows no limits, no horizons, just stretches till no fine line and finally gets smudged into its beloved; the sky. I want to have the feel of the moment, just want to be calm, quiet & disappear!!But just can’t do it. have several thoughts thundering in my mind simultaneously, I just cant concentrate and scared of ‘opportunity lost’ .I feel like running, running across the whirlpools, running away from what I am to reach what I should..I am satisfied but not happy, I am worried, I am itchy, disgusted about the consequences but yet serene about what took place. I don’t regret and there are no more buts’. I want to be the hose but I am pulled by the blue. I adore him but our personas are mutually so exclusive. I grip, he releases; I engulf, he sets free; I feel, he thinks. i know my destiny and thus try to stand calm that I am supposed to be.

                                  But ‘not everything grows under the shades of the big trees’. There are whirlpools at the loin of my skirt. Whirlpools that stand as a token of the numerous thunders in my mind. I desire to be different..Of what I am and what I should be. I tend to be happy about them but stopped by my concern of what people think of them.

Perplexive of my own dos and don’ts I happen to notice the new dam running on me. I am suddenly apprehensive. There is construction done to channel my current, to give a certain direction to it. To help me stay calm composed, tranquil. I don’t like the dam but still I have to accept it because I am conscious of my social strata. I am affirmative of people should think good about me and I try being accustomed.

                         But the story doesn’t get its due end here. The foe of my beloved- the rains come. I have the property to engulf and retain and the sky can’t see me knotting with somebody else. No matter if its just because of the ‘not so mutually exclusive trait’s that I and the rains share. Hence my desires are aroused, my water level touches the red marks on the walls of that dam and my urge dominates my logic.

I am free. I broke the channels. Going with the flow .I don’t know any boundaries .I am the lord of my own will. My embossment follows me. And as per my nature I engulf, I engulf so many lives, I am bewildered. Again decisive of what I am and what I should be. The rains are about to have the next kisser and I find myself alone. I am stoned, feel lost. I look up, the rains have left me all by myself but now the eyes of my love watch me. There is a sigh of relief. I turn back. People are relieved. I came as a flood , a flood of my fleeting attraction but going back as a relieved soul to get smudged into somebody who will  help me what I should be , and while crawling back I still think ‘what I am’.