Mixed bag of eMotionS

I stand by this beautiful water body: that is huge, infinite, engulfing, knows no limits, no horizons, just stretches till no fine line and finally gets smudged into its beloved; the sky. I want to have the feel of the moment, just want to be calm, quiet & disappear!!But just can’t do it. have several thoughts thundering in my mind simultaneously, I just cant concentrate and scared of ‘opportunity lost’ .I feel like running, running across the whirlpools, running away from what I am to reach what I should..I am satisfied but not happy, I am worried, I am itchy, disgusted about the consequences but yet serene about what took place. I don’t regret and there are no more buts’. I want to be the hose but I am pulled by the blue. I adore him but our personas are mutually so exclusive. I grip, he releases; I engulf, he sets free; I feel, he thinks. i know my destiny and thus try to stand calm that I am supposed to be.

                                  But ‘not everything grows under the shades of the big trees’. There are whirlpools at the loin of my skirt. Whirlpools that stand as a token of the numerous thunders in my mind. I desire to be different..Of what I am and what I should be. I tend to be happy about them but stopped by my concern of what people think of them.

Perplexive of my own dos and don’ts I happen to notice the new dam running on me. I am suddenly apprehensive. There is construction done to channel my current, to give a certain direction to it. To help me stay calm composed, tranquil. I don’t like the dam but still I have to accept it because I am conscious of my social strata. I am affirmative of people should think good about me and I try being accustomed.

                         But the story doesn’t get its due end here. The foe of my beloved- the rains come. I have the property to engulf and retain and the sky can’t see me knotting with somebody else. No matter if its just because of the ‘not so mutually exclusive trait’s that I and the rains share. Hence my desires are aroused, my water level touches the red marks on the walls of that dam and my urge dominates my logic.

I am free. I broke the channels. Going with the flow .I don’t know any boundaries .I am the lord of my own will. My embossment follows me. And as per my nature I engulf, I engulf so many lives, I am bewildered. Again decisive of what I am and what I should be. The rains are about to have the next kisser and I find myself alone. I am stoned, feel lost. I look up, the rains have left me all by myself but now the eyes of my love watch me. There is a sigh of relief. I turn back. People are relieved. I came as a flood , a flood of my fleeting attraction but going back as a relieved soul to get smudged into somebody who will  help me what I should be , and while crawling back I still think ‘what I am’.