“You are what you delete”

You are what you delete --- It’s a copied thought but so true! So many times, so many words are poured on a word doc and then backspace button un-does it all! Why- may be this piece of thought doesn't wants to go public, may be this part of the person doesn’t wants to be seen, or may be this emotion just wants to stay inside and grow bigger.

Hiding away is one aspect but hiding and yet growing it inside is totally another.

Situations happen-you do certain things in a certain way in that situation and then that situation – that moment is gone, but once that moment has passed, does it happens that you think you could have done something else in this situation – you could have behaved little differently – then things might not be the way they are right now- they may have changed – they may have been better – they may have been according to you, the way you wanted them to be!!

Holding back yourself – that’s what you did-then, in that moment- you didn’t blurt out yourself and now the moment has passed away. Holding back was difficult, painful rather, but did it help? What held you- you were thinking of the eventual outcomes of “resistibility” or you realized there are some common human emotions in you like ‘ego’ – whatever it was- you haven’t done justice to yourself- at least not in that moment.

Now the moment has already passed but the urge and the desire isn’t dead yet. So, you shall wait, wait for the urge to grow bigger within you – wait till the time when you feel that holding back happened for good, wait till you feel the moment was worth it and when you get the vibes that its time- just blurt it out!

But oh!- the wait seems to have missed its worth- here’s a new discovery within yourself—the time, desire and efforts that went in doing  everything to get it back seem to be a waste- the situation doesn’t seems be deserving enough – a wrong choice or may be a wrong realization- And ‘now’ another situation is happening to you- this is called “Helplessness”!

Nothing is worse than this feeling, nothing so handicapped – when you do it all, with your heart, mind, body and soul – but still- nothing happens!

And this is the time- when you write and delete-this is the real You!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
PS:

§  Live every moment, don’t miss, don’t regret-do what you feel like and not think like doing in that moment.

§  Nothings worse than Helplessness

§  Resistibility is a bitch

§  Remember, eventually, it’s only about YOU!

Off (the) Fence: Offence

Fences are installed to make sure nobody else intrudes in your territory, whether its land or relationships-enclosures are everywhere! The only way they differ is their appearance. The way they are imposed may only vary and what can remain constant is their presence.

Take any example of life and you will find the Fences there! A child is born and there are fences telling him what is right what is wrong, whom to play with whom not to play with; a girl goes out on a scholarship, there are fences prescribing whom to talk with, whom not to interact with; a new life when you start your career, fences of what to hide, what not to act!

All the relationships have fences too! There are standard benchmarks as per which the commitment towards a relationship is judged. Protectiveness and possessiveness are important ingredients of a bond but distrust is a separate phenomenon. Where acceptance and communication should stand first on approach, instead there are Fences-of delusion and disgust, and the moment you cross them it becomes the Offence!

Fences are no ‘new-world’ occurrence, they were always there! The great epic Ramayana could take birth only because of a fence that was crossed out of innocence and a decision taken by heart. So what if even after Agni Pariksha, the savior was rejected by the lady, the epic was written and the Fence is still debated upon!

Fences are meant to protect, not to uproot things with their sharp edges. Fences should define but not re-define the shapes! Fences can describe my territory to others but shouldn’t tell me what my territory is! It’s sad to say that fences don’t define my area of freedom; they cut into the margins of others and suddenly uproot me of my ownership! Here I cross the fence and it becomes Offence! Rhyming but bitter truth.

So if at all you were to define the boundaries, try to control the fences first. Implant them only when you are sure you are not intruding in other’s space. And even if you find them a little twisted, little distorted, don’t leave the land, and shift the fence a little! May be there is no need of going OFF the fence then and within the fence, there would be no offence!! 

Crossing Roads

Crossing roads has always been a Big deal! The traffic on both the sides, the thousand permutations and combinations to be applied in mind at once, taking the decision to actually walk the grey ramp with all the iron men coming from everywhere to raid you!

Friends were the people who had always made it easy for me. Holding (even grabbing at times) my hands, pushing me gently (at times almost dragging in speed) and taking me to that other end, the safer one! In fact whoever seemed concerned about me crossing the road was instantly added to the Friend list and the nostalgias further.

The Road Ahead 

Then, everything changed; friends flew away-work, jobs, families, lives. But the roads didn’t! They stayed where they were, dusty in sun, glossy in rains but still swarming with iron men, making sure I never dare to walk on them alone.

Now as a universally realized fact, there are many last-option-moments in life! I had to cross those roads, walking back from work, going to shopping, anytime and every time.

Commutation never stops neither in daily life nor in relationships. It ‘has’ to go on! But there is at least one option always hidden under the last option.

To my rescue there were Zebra lines on roads which legally meant that people crossing roads by zebra walkway will be less prone to accidental deaths. There was a faint one, the white almost married to grey of road but I could still find the patches of its bachelorhood and therefore relied on it for crossing the road with safety at least psychologically.

One day, rains happen! The road otherwise looks lustrous, the grey concrete shines today and the smell of soil makes everything hypnotic. I hastily keep walking in the wrong side and come to the Zebra spot and to my worst imagination, its nowhere! The marriage had succumbed the white line and all of it becomes grey, a dark blackish-grey! My last option also dissolves along with the dissolution of the white line! And I have No hope now, not even any hidden one in the last option!!

So, I look at my left, then to my right, mentally analyzing all the practical implications and the consequences that would follow. I again look at left, confirming & reassuring myself at the mental preparation, take  my right step out, out in the surface where it has always been more about hands than mind, and I ,Run..............!!!