Please help me remember how it felt like being in love!

I am out of it currently.

Love used to special, warm and most importantly, gave chills in my belly. Now, it’s more of a routine, comfort zone and doesn't give anything to my belly anymore.

As a confession note, I would say: it has annoyed the bejesus out of me.

There are days when I don’t care about the heart-balance but there are days when I do, and desperately want to remember how it felt like being in love? Because I faintly reminisce that when I used to be in love, it was certainly a warm feeling. Not everything around used to be annoying, I didn’t feel the need to meditate or distract to calm myself down. Expectations were not mortified and dates were not just digits or fruit but moments! Now that I am out of it, I want to call it a phase and stop worrying about it. I like to tell myself that this all mayhem will pass and I shall reunite with the belly-butterflies. But remotely, I don’t think that’s going to happen.

Maybe I have saturated, even tired, of having loved so much in so many years gone by. Maybe I just need some break or change or just a neutral phase in between my in-love and not-in-love phases! Maybe it’s the consistency of the same presence or just the very comfortable comfort zone.  I am not certain of the solution strategy but certain that I would like to feel it all again!

Because at the end, love should live - And that’s all that matters!

"इश्क बदलता रहे कोई हर्ज़ नहीं;
इस मुकाम पे आकर लगता है के शायद उसका जिंदा रहना ज्यादा ज़रूरी था!"

Scar

A Scar

A Stitch

A Twitch, 

A History, 

A Mystery

A Story, 

A Pain

A Remembrance 

A Resurrection, 

A Memory,

A Story

A Scar..!! 

PS- Scars are sexy to have! Coz they carry a history, a story and something else than usual eyes/lips to remember in a face! \

PSS- I Have One! 

क्यों कर

क्यों कर सुख की चिंता है
क्यों कर मुस्कुराहटों की अभिलाषा है
जहाँ स्थायी- अस्थायी स्वयं अस्थिर हैं
वहां क्यों कर स्थिरता की कामना है,


जब कोई भी इस जगत में
पूर्णतयः निर्दोष नहीं
वहां क्यों एक तिल रहित चित्त की पिपासा है



विलक्षण होकर भी क्या होगा
जो होना है, अंत वही होगा
न जान पाओगे सीमाओं को,
न ही लांघ पाना मुनासिब होगा;
फिर क्यों कर सब कुछ जान लेने की इच्छा है


चिरंजीव सुख सिर्फ एक ढकोसला है

जानते हुए भी,

क्यों कर मुस्कुराहटों की अभिलाषा है??




------------------–-----------------------

खेद सहित,
कवीषा!!

Love in Social Media Times – PDA

PDA- Public Display of Affection: sounds cheesy! Right??  But sometimes it becomes imperative to do that!

With the digitization of everything and all of us living in our own small worlds, social media has become the new lanes where you stroll hand in hand by posting pictures or posting lovey dovey comments on each other’s posts and thus, the PDA!

Everything about PDA comes with a long train of criticism as well. There are tons of articles which tell you in how many ways the couples are just gross if they express love to each other in public. I have been part of that community as well, and more because I think, till then I wasn't getting any myself. 

Doing PDA in just the right limits can keep you off from social criticism as well as help to build your bond stronger.

·       With no ‘Good Morning’ messages ritual now, you wake up to a notification that your ‘louve’ has dropped a super sweet comment on your picture – not just admiring but how that sweetness has kept him stuck to you all these years- morning made right then and there!

·        Mutual friends and those reading every single comment of your pictures also get to know that the bond is going strong! This also goes for the secret admirers who are still secretly hoping for your break up.

·        Take it or not, real life compliments come rare!  In that case a well edited picture can help you get some much needed admiration :P  #selfesteemboost

·        Once you do any activity on any post, you automatically ‘follow’ that post and hence receive all the further activity. This might also give you about 5-10mins of discussion in your daily telephonic ritual especially when you have been in love for too many years and already drained out of topics.

·       It gives a sense that your better half is overall interested in your life – when half your life is spent sitting in front of a computer. And off course you can also get to know their other friends which will only add two more twinkles in their eyes that you care enough about them

·        You just keep feeling you are still in love!

But as I have also been a part of the hater’s community, there is also a little piece of advice

Word of Caution  

·         DON’T OVERDO IT! Love is not what is there for public display in your social online world but a little expression of it shows the commitment and keeps the life spiced up!

·         KEEP IT RARE! Keeping it rare will also keep the value of your compliment and the surprise along alive. Just doing it on every post will only irritate and you will lose that precious mental admiration in revert.

·         DON’T SPAM please for God’s sake!  People hate it when they are personally going through a rough love phase themselves and all they get to see on their feed is couples getting all cuddly – be human!

 So, PDA – because it’s as important as holding hands in public to make your beau safe and loved !!

PS- Once more I want to say – DON’T OVERDO IT!

इबारतें (4)

इबारतें रोज़ दफन होती हैं
एक के बाद एक
हर रोज़ नयी इबादतें मयस्सर होती हैं

मेरे हज की गलियों के नक्श
कुछ पहचाने से नहीं जाते
और गलियां,
उनका तो नामो निशान भी मुश्किल है

पन्ने जोड़ने पड़ते हैं
बेशुमार सिलवटें बढ़ती जाती हैं
मगर ये डूबती उभरती इबारतें,
मुझे मेरे हज की गलियों की
याद दिलाती हैं

इबारतें दफन होती जाती हैं
मगर इबादतें हर रोज़ नित नए
फन उठाती हैं!!

Ibaratein part 4 is here- yet again it took me almost an year to continue the series!
Writing this series, keeping same words and rhythm in all the four creations till date - i also realized that even the same words can say a thousand different meanings, they can explain different situations, different turmoils, dilemmas and also different people. I am the only lover who is constant in all these but my love has changed - and you can judge it right well if you go through all four! 

Read Ibaratein 3 + Ibaratein 2+ Ibaratein 1 here!! 

इबारतें : Writing
इबादतें: Prayers
नक्श:Map
मयस्सर :Available 

अज़ार

insta @kaveeshaklicks

दरवाज़े कई तरह के देखे होंगे
कुछ पुरानी लकड़ी के,
कुछ संगेमरमर के,
कुछ खुले, कुछ सांकल लगे हुए,
कुछ बंद भी होते हैं
खटखटाये जाने के इंतज़ार में,
और कुछ होते हैं अज़ार;

आने जाने वालों की,
निपट खबर से परे,
न खुद की सुध, न ही चेष्टा,
मानो उन्हें कोई फर्क ही नहीं पड़ता,
क्युकी न तो वो बंद हैं, न ही खुले,
सांकल गर  हो भी तो वह भी सिर्फ दिखावे की,


काश मन भी ऐसा ही होता,
न मौसम से रोज़ सड़ती लकड़ी का,
न अपनी शोहरत के दिन याद करता संगेमरमर का,
न भीतर घुसने वालों का मोह,
न बाहर जातों का अफ़सोस,
बस यूँ ही होता,
अज़ार!

     

A real relationship is boring, real-life and stunningly ordinary

A real relationship is boring, real-life and stunningly ordinary!! Yes that is a fact!

I have been into a relationship with a simple and ordinary man for more than 5 years and we eventually plan to settle down together because we have already given in so many years settling down with each other.

We have been opposites, real opposites with the extremes of liking for clubs vs liking for a cheap drink at a dhaba with Kishore Kumar songs in the background evening; love for all sorts of art in the world around vs love for a subtle “Its good whatever it is” attitude; craving for a life like they show in films vs sticking to real ground basic realities kind of routine; adventure & excitement vs the ultimate comfort zone!! The list can go on but I have been telling myself that “opposites attract” and that’s why so many years!

Like every product has its own Product Life Cycle (management theory), I think it’s a universal law rather than just management studies. During teens, those butterflies in the stomach just on the mention of that someone were love? After then dealing with daily routine issues and counselling each other was so! In between all these years, accepting each other for what they are became the practice! You go through a lot you see, from being the bud to the blossom- not only your bosoms change but a whole lot ‘new’ creeps in too. After several years of courtship, I might make myself think it’s the “stagnation” phase of our product but then I couldn’t have kept those butterflies alive all this long too!

So finally you wonder whether it’s really love-love or it’s just a habit (read practice) of being with each other. Let’s be frank here, after all these years, smallest of daily rituals like a phone call also don’t really matter ( I mean it’s okay if you don’t talk on a daily basis or don’t reply to their texts – the other can assume you are busy and doesn’t give much thought to it) I might criticize him for not having that “excitement filled” relationship but – if you are an avid traveler too, wont you feel like getting home after a while? Or eating out together for several days in a row will definitely make you crave for home made dal- chaawal?  (at least I do)

I think this real, basic ground, no adventure but contentment- kind of life is more real!  This – I don’t care how you look- I just know that I like you as you are – is the kind of attitude which can take me further and let me not crib over every inch I gain in future! An evening at home with the television might sound extremely boring but hey, I can be in my pajamas with a face pack on and cuddle with him and not care about the damn world!! See, lot of pros here too.

The level of excitement for a relationship is not real, what matters more is making peace with it!!

PS- I don’t plan on being the boring kind of better half. :P

क्या है इश्क़

अरसे हो गए जब दुनिया को ऐलान करते
की हाँ इश्क़ में हैं हम,
आज सोचते हैं,
कमबख्त ये इश्क़ आखिर है क्या

कमसिन उम्र में,
जब पेट में तितलियाँ उड़ा करती थीं
उनके ज़िक्र के नाम से,
सोचते थे इश्क़ जो है यही है ;

जो थोड़ा होश संभाला
और जो खुद के गुनाहों का दौर आया
उन्होंने जो गुनाह नज़रअंदाज़ कर दिए,
सोचते थे इश्क़ जो है यही है;

जब इश्क़ भी इश्क़ के गुनाहों में संग गुनहगार हो गया,
और दोनों ने मिल के उसे दुनिया से छुपाया,
तब सोचा हो न हो, इश्क़ यही होगा;

मगर आज,
जब इश्क़ की आखिरी
मंज़िल पाने का मुकाम आया;
तब सोचते हैं,
कहीं ये महज़ सालों की आदत तो नहीं?

क्युकी तितलियाँ तो अब,
दूर दूर तक नहीं;
और गुनाह छुपाने का हुनर भी
खूब सीख गए हैं;

आज जब अरसे हो गए
उस ऐलान को ,
तब सोचते हैं,
कमबख्त ये इश्क़ आखिर है क्या!!   

पुराना शेर

एक पुराना शेर याद आया 
और शेर जब पहली बार कहा था, 
वो ज़माना भी संग आया
भूली गलियों में वापिस भटकने को
अपने मन का
एक बार और मचलने का दिल हो आया
पुराने शेरों की क्या बात कह दी, 
उनसे जुड़ा हर एक अरमान याद आया!
बीते अरमानों का जो मैंने हलके से हाथ सहलाया, 
सच..
वही पुराना शेर, जो उस वक़्त यूँ ही कह दिया था,
मुझे आज याद आया!
इत्तेफाक से आज फिर कुछ ऐसा हुआ
कि दिल भर आया,
वही पुराना मौसम निकला;
आज उसने फिर से सब कुछ दोहराया
आज फिर दिल भर आया 
तो मुझे फिर,वही पुराना शेर याद आया!


Also pasting the so much talked about "पुराना शेर" here: 
"ये गम भी मुझे अज़ीज़ है, 
ये उन्ही की दी हुई चीज़ है"

वो जगहें

वो जगहें हम जहाँ से गुज़रे थे कभी
अब दोबारा जब रूबरू होंगी तो शायद वो न होंगी
लोग अलग होंगे माहौल अलग होगा
शिर्कतें अलग होंगी और  शायद साथी भी अलग
तो दोबारा उन रास्तों को उस नज़र से देखना ही नहीं
गर देखा तो उम्मीद वही होगी
पर मंज़र अलग होगा!