उथल पुथल

जानते हो,

मन की उथल पुथल किसे कहते हैं ?

जब दूर से आती अज़ान की आवाज़ भी बगल के कमरे से ही आती लगे,

शांत ठंडी बिखरी रेत भी खुद की गर्मी से पिघलती सी लगे

और बेहद सन्नाटे से उठने वाली सूँ भी कानो से चिपकती सी लगे

मगर दिमाग हांफ रहा हो ...,

के इतने ख्यालों को समेटते समेटते , सांस फूल रही हो जैसे ;

और बिन साथी के भी बिस्तर पर ढेरों सिलवटें पड़ गयी हो जैसे

के बेफिक्री से भरे पूरे शहर में , एक कमरा फ़िक्र ने किराए पे लिया हो जैसे

उथल पुथल ,

उसे कहते हैं !

Inside

Because its always good to let people know what exactly you thought originally while they make their own interpretations of your Abstract (Art)! 

You now what’s a mesh- it’s a chilman – a wall with checkered patterns giving you every glimpse of the other side of the wall but yet, closed! In Indian architectural history especially in Mughal era, the chilman has been used in profound! Take The Taj Mahal of Agra, all its beautifully marbled terraces surplusly surrounded by chilmaned railings. Go to Jaipur’s Maharaja Palace, the guide will show you a room – the common Darbar-e-aam where the king used to sit and hear the public and just besides the king’s hot seat you will find a chilman – opposite which the queen sat – from where she could see and hear everything what the pupil had to say and give her opinion to her husband, BUT the public couldn’t see her clearly and could only understand her presence via her reflection from her shadow filtered via that chilman!

Closer view: The MESH- Chilman

So that’s what a mesh is! A wall, mind you, it’s a WALL giving the pretense to be a window but a WALL, though with a difference by design and logic. I really think they had this great reason behind innovating such a beautiful pattern – the reason to be able to see everything from within and yet be hidden and away from everything. (I wonder if Film coated car window glasses were inspired from them too)

In any picture, a photograph or a painting, there are two things – basic- the object and the subject. In layman language, the subject is the living person and the objects are the materialistic things taken in use of to support the eventual meaning of that picture.

Closer view: Subject & Objects

Here the objects are simple yet lovable (read addictive)  items – the wine bottle, the coffee mug, an earthen ashtray with a few fumes of the still dying smoke inside it and a few flickering yet steady candles. And the subject, well the person finds it easier to hide behind the big fat belly of the wine bottle!

From all the detailed description above ( which I didn't really plan to), I will sum up my own comprehension of this piece in a single line-  Somebody inside a maze with everything he loves around him but yet can only enjoy a view of the outside and is trapped!

But traps aren’t always a negative word; some traps are by choice too! Do you remember any of those film stories where the mafia loses all his men and is terrified for his death and seeks shelter in a prison so that at least his life could be spared! Same!

Life is anyway a trap, a BIG BIG trap, but we all live inside it, enjoying the beautiful picture outside it via our chilmans of dreams and fascination! And off course surround ourselves with everything we love, to be able to survive till the day when the door opens and we walk out of it….!!

PS- I did not have any clue or intent as to what I will make when I started painting this one! But the bottle came on paper, then the mug, then the candles (they are actually books, though they don’t look like), the person’s half hidden face and then the rest! But it’s always interesting to add up all your scribbles to make a complete composition!

Technical PS- I used 7 different brush strokes in this picture! 

Painted Hearts

Describing my painting "Painted Hearts" here

"कभी कभार कई टुकड़े करने पड़ते हैं दिल के

ताकि हर इश्क को थोड़ी थोड़ी जगह दी जा सके"

Everybody falls in love at least once in their lives but most of them fall twice, thrice and even more! But each time there is a new love, there is a space shared in the heart.
Now by God's grace, we all have only one heart and we need to accommodate all the loves we had/have in the same lil heart. So what do we do, we borrow some space from the brain- the mind.  And thus always have TWO much on the mind!


This art piece shows a heart - a broken (rather shared) one- into two pieces - each piece occupied by a lady. And both of them are on the mind of a person.

There are way too many colors in this painting but with a reason- When one person adds so many colors to our lives, then if there are multiple , wouldn't life be like this? Extra Colorful! Also too many colors here imply the colorful character of the person always juggling between more than one thought on his mind. Won't his own heart be colorful (Painted) enough to be able to focus on more than one person in life?

An interesting fact remains that at least one of the two ladies sharing the heart know the reality (that's why the lady with Blue hair looks at green hair lady in the painting) and still sticks to her due space in the "Painted Heart".

But the people who can do this, like have two much on mind and still  love and focus equally, hats off to you guys! Great Management skills are required for this one. And off course a "Painted Heart" is all what you need.


PS- I am not sure People with Painted Hearts know a word called "Guilt"

Confessions!

We do them and yet don’t, many times! It depends, upon the consequences- which we calculate mentally, before doing them! Less loss, ok, here I confess! Huge loss, which can’t be fixed- Alright, I am never going to do this one and keep it hidden like a precious stone of memoir thrown in the ocean!

Should I, Shouldn't I?

How do confessions originate- have we thought of it – ever? Well, they come from our will power! “Resistibility” is the word if I may put it aptly. Had I resisted before that moment, it would have never been that moment and hence no further thinking, no traumatic heartburns, no choking guilt and hence no confessions.

But as a matter of fact, we don’t bloody resist! MANY TIMES! A funny thing here is that even while resisting (or not resisting for that matter) we are calculating, in our heads, the fun we are going to have, the pleasure we will get if we don’t resist. So if we resist, we regret, if we don’t, we still regret! 

Its just that 

No resistance > Pleasure>Guilt>Confession>Consequences 

Resistance> No pleasure>Regret (Consequence)

So basically there is no way out!!

So isn't that better, to not resist, commit the crime, enjoy and then regret about it? At least you had the pleasure right? And then as per your mental calculation of consequences, you may further decide to or not to confess the same.

And let me just add to clear the airs, its not the confession which people do to a priest in a church or in a temple who don't do any harm in return to them, Its just an easy way of melting away the guilt  overload by not directly confessing it to the person to whom they have done wrong. Since they know that priest will just nod listening to them they go ahead and so called confess, but that is NOT a confession. A confession will be one if made to the victim , to the person who is in capacity to actually make you face the consequences. And if you think its too much if a consequence, chuck it, don't confess!! But try stop living with it, try to avoid their multiplication & resist at times! After all, we cant have all the fun right! 

But......I think I still don’t have a concrete answer to this one! If anyone reading this has, please do let me know. Confess!!!!

One Quarter Down!

I am completing a quarter today- wait, not the quarter of a tinted and spirited bottle but a quarter of my life- and its Gross okay!

Few days back I noticed one grey strand in my not-so-luscious wavy hair and it brought to my notice that it’s not far when I will also turn old and sour! And lately I have been an ardent fan of “Grey’s Anatomy” and it often occurs to me that I might meet an accident someday just abruptly, so I thought it was the perfect time to write my own will!

Will…?? Yes, well a Will! In which you give anything of your own by your own will – yes I am talking about that same will!

A few of my friend were amused at this idea and in turn asked me what do you have as such that you are writing a will and I answered them with an airy expression that “Not everything is about money  in life”! So here we go;

I have a (rather two) cupboards full of clothes- I would want each of my special friends to pick one dress which I ever wore with them and hang it in their cupboards, like the way it’s done in Brokeback Mountain movie- so that they can always remember me the way I was with them (and in the same clothe size). Same goes for the shoes and bags!

All my gadgets and gold and cash goes to my dear BF (he secretly expressed his interest in the same one day). Also I will let him take all the pending bills too!( Life Revenge :D).  My toys (yes I still have teddy bears and 13 dolls as my secret possessions) go to my next generation i.e. to the kids in my family.

And the most important thing- my DIARY (rather diaries) full of poems and my passion. They go to one person, a very dear friend who has always admired them – with the copyrights too! So that one day he publishes a book out of them and plays in the cash ;)

And rest everything goes back to my parents – don’t worry, despite of all above there is still much left in the room! And because they will be the only ones who would keep and cherish every small thing of mine close to their hearts!

I always wanted to have either a Catholic wedding or a funeral! Since I don’t have my love interest in a catholic, I wish to go for the second option.

Talking about my funeral –I would prefer to be buried in a classic chocolaty chestnut coffin with pink satin inside to lie on! And I will want all my friends to gather together – the dressing theme be obviously “pink” and everyone should make merry! I don’t mind if you all go merry-go-round but well that’s how it is!

But given that, I am not dying so soon and that life has to do a lot more damage to me before I can finally get rid off it, I assume to read this when I complete another quarter of my life- and may be just laugh it all off! May be I won’t be writing anymore then or I might be a very famous Bookie award winner; may be all my clothes would have retired by then and I may not be able to fit into them ever; whatever happens then will not be same like right now!

So I am just preserving all what I have right now – So that I can scroll down my blog 25 years later and have a few pink butterflies tinkling me!

Cheers to whoever read this!

-          Aakriti ( Kaveesha) , 06^th August 13’

PS- Since I assumed I will be very busy today, I wrote this piece yesterday itself! :P

Half Mesmerized

There are habits – old ones and the new ones, habits that we have lived with for years with and habits that we have recently acquired. Old ones become addictions and new ones become passion. Old ones are the ones we no more think about, they are like reflexive actions and the new ones, we long for them, we try to seek them – to get them into our systems.

Old habits – they are realized when they seem to be sneaking away , when one fine day we suddenly discover we are no more doing them or rather not doing them consciously , they are just happening – themselves- like an auto button!

New ones- we love them, we crave for them, we take conscious efforts for them and try to pull them – towards us and even if they are off the sight a second, we miss them – terribly!

So it becomes a war between addictions and passions! Addictions- something that we can’t live without and passions- something we don’t want to live without!

But passions might fade away if not nurtured, kept like a baby or even if not thought about for some time. Addictions have been there since forever. They are more like need of the body than the soul – after all we have tamed our bodies to be habitual of them. Passions- they rock our ecosystem – brains, hearts and souls. Most of the thinking goes in thinking about the passions. But if we consider the cumulative account of the thinking gone in both of them, addiction cannot be defeated by passion.

And then we are left midways, we are in a puddle of dilemma and have no idea which way to complete; we are almost mid ways both ways. We can’t leave addictions and are unable to leave the passion. We are left bedazzled, like a leg on one boat and the second on another – and deep down we know, this will certainly not take us anywhere. So basically, neither we enjoy our addictions anymore nor we can really do anything to fulfill the passions. 

So what do we do?

We enjoy only half the fun, we see only half the beauty and we feel only half the ecstasy.

We are left Half Mesmerized!

PS- Old habits die hard! 

तीन एहसास

बीती रात भीगी थी कुछ उम्मीदों के सैलाब में ;
आज की शाम भी कुछ नम ही गुज़री उन्ही उम्मीदों के ख्याल में 


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


महफूज़ करना इन लम्हों को बेशक़ ये भागते से नज़र आएंगे 
भर लेना किसी खाली शीशी में कुछ अंश तो कम से कम तेरे संग रह जायेंगे 


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


इश्क महफूज़ किसका हुआ है आज तक जो तेरा ही होगा, 
इसका एक जुर्म ही यही है कि बस ये ठहरता नहीं है 

Hope is the only Dope

I just know
that I can see the start of it all-
The one which is sure to crumble me
and won't leave me unaffected

The end is far & misty
but I have a walking stick
of my faith and the love of my folks,
to lead me through the fog &...
I have my thank u note already ready for the best!

My fingers will be crossed,
for the better and the best
for their happy souls and my ultimate peace
and I don't wish to pretend this time
for I take it all destined,
and still pray for a beautiful destiny in hold

Let the best happen for the rest of it all
let the end overshadow the beginning of this misery
and then I will say

I have seen it all!

The Ray of Hope #KaveeshaKlicks

भीगे एहसास

जब मन पहले से

भीग रहा हो एहसास में
और ऊपर से बरसात
हो जाये इस इत्तेफाक में

आँखें ढूंढे कोई छाँव ,
सर छुपाने के सरफ़राज़ में
और ढ़ेरों कोशिशों बाद मिले
छितरी पत्तियों वाला एक अधनंगा पेड़
जो खुद ही जैसे पनाह चाहता हो
किसी मांगे हुए लिबास में,

फिर क्या उम्मीद और क्या प्यास,

एहसास भीग गए अब तो बरसात में
इत्तेफाक गल गए
आज इस मांगे हुए, पुराने लिबास में !!

It’s only you who is responsible for your “happiness”

Life consist of situations, decisions, choices and consequences and all this for what- “happiness”

We might be ruled over or dominated or even influenced or even emotionally controlled, at times, to make certain choices in different situations and thereby to sustain its consequences. Don’t let yourself suffer that!

Yes, I will say that again- Don’t let yourself suffer that! 

Our lives are not just about us , they are a complex mix of so many people around, our families, friends, people we fall in love with, people we have secret crushes on , people who are in love with us and we aren't , those we admire and those we hate but eventually it’s about “us” ! Whatever we do has a certain impact on all of these people but ultimately who suffers or enjoys is “us”!

True happiness can come only by the choices we make- uninfluenced and uncontrolled by any emotional trauma. Happiness which comes otherwise is only a satisfaction which comes by the sacrifice of making others happy!  We need to be able to differentiate in the two.

People whom I talked about above, these are off course important people but are they really going to be victim of the consequences? No! They will just stand by you, with sad and sympathetic faces but it’s only you who will suffer.

So, it’s essential to realize that the only person most important in your lie is you yourself! Nobody else is going to face the eventual outcomes. These people, it’s not their fault that they sense different consequences and try to influence your decisions because they love you. But, it’s equally important to realize that however deep they might love you, they may not be the right people to help you make the crucial decisions of life! Sometimes, there is nobody to think of your happiness because everyone is busy thinking of the consequences, at that time, make sure, you stand up for yourself. Make sure you do everything to save your happiness, irrespective of the consequences, irrespective of influences.

Take the call, decide for yourself and experience the real happiness – so what if it comes with a little consequence. At least it won’t be the side effect of sacrifices! 

Remember - Eventually its only about "you"!!