तस्वीरों के लोग

"उन तस्वीरों को दीवार पे जगह देने का क्या फायदा ,

जिनमें  मुस्कुराते लोग अब ज़िन्दगी से रुखसत हो गए "

“You are what you delete”

You are what you delete --- It’s a copied thought but so true! So many times, so many words are poured on a word doc and then backspace button un-does it all! Why- may be this piece of thought doesn't wants to go public, may be this part of the person doesn’t wants to be seen, or may be this emotion just wants to stay inside and grow bigger.

Hiding away is one aspect but hiding and yet growing it inside is totally another.

Situations happen-you do certain things in a certain way in that situation and then that situation – that moment is gone, but once that moment has passed, does it happens that you think you could have done something else in this situation – you could have behaved little differently – then things might not be the way they are right now- they may have changed – they may have been better – they may have been according to you, the way you wanted them to be!!

Holding back yourself – that’s what you did-then, in that moment- you didn’t blurt out yourself and now the moment has passed away. Holding back was difficult, painful rather, but did it help? What held you- you were thinking of the eventual outcomes of “resistibility” or you realized there are some common human emotions in you like ‘ego’ – whatever it was- you haven’t done justice to yourself- at least not in that moment.

Now the moment has already passed but the urge and the desire isn’t dead yet. So, you shall wait, wait for the urge to grow bigger within you – wait till the time when you feel that holding back happened for good, wait till you feel the moment was worth it and when you get the vibes that its time- just blurt it out!

But oh!- the wait seems to have missed its worth- here’s a new discovery within yourself—the time, desire and efforts that went in doing  everything to get it back seem to be a waste- the situation doesn’t seems be deserving enough – a wrong choice or may be a wrong realization- And ‘now’ another situation is happening to you- this is called “Helplessness”!

Nothing is worse than this feeling, nothing so handicapped – when you do it all, with your heart, mind, body and soul – but still- nothing happens!

And this is the time- when you write and delete-this is the real You!

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PS:

§  Live every moment, don’t miss, don’t regret-do what you feel like and not think like doing in that moment.

§  Nothings worse than Helplessness

§  Resistibility is a bitch

§  Remember, eventually, it’s only about YOU!

मेरा अज़ीज़ सामान

क्यों ऐसा होता है 

के कभी कभी घर से  निकलके 

बहुत दूर चलने के बाद 

याद आता है , के 

पीछे कुछ छूट गया 

कुछ ज़रूरी सा, कुछ अज़ीज़ सा 

जो संभाला था कई जतनों से 

वही बेहद कीमती सा, 

घर पर ही छूट गया 

अब् पीछे जाना मुश्किल है 

और आगे चलना भी मुनासिब नहीं 

क्या करूँ, दिल में बड़ी कश्मकश  है 

कुछ देर रुक जाती हूँ 

बीच रास्ते  में  अनमनी सी होकर थम जाती हूँ 

फिर कुछ सोच के, भारी मन से 

आगे बढ़ जाती हूँ 

पर मेरा मन , वहीँ छूट जाता है 

मेरा वह अज़ीज़ सामान , 

मुझे अब भी वापस बुलाता है 

Crossing Roads

Crossing roads has always been a Big deal! The traffic on both the sides, the thousand permutations and combinations to be applied in mind at once, taking the decision to actually walk the grey ramp with all the iron men coming from everywhere to raid you!

Friends were the people who had always made it easy for me. Holding (even grabbing at times) my hands, pushing me gently (at times almost dragging in speed) and taking me to that other end, the safer one! In fact whoever seemed concerned about me crossing the road was instantly added to the Friend list and the nostalgias further.

The Road Ahead 

Then, everything changed; friends flew away-work, jobs, families, lives. But the roads didn’t! They stayed where they were, dusty in sun, glossy in rains but still swarming with iron men, making sure I never dare to walk on them alone.

Now as a universally realized fact, there are many last-option-moments in life! I had to cross those roads, walking back from work, going to shopping, anytime and every time.

Commutation never stops neither in daily life nor in relationships. It ‘has’ to go on! But there is at least one option always hidden under the last option.

To my rescue there were Zebra lines on roads which legally meant that people crossing roads by zebra walkway will be less prone to accidental deaths. There was a faint one, the white almost married to grey of road but I could still find the patches of its bachelorhood and therefore relied on it for crossing the road with safety at least psychologically.

One day, rains happen! The road otherwise looks lustrous, the grey concrete shines today and the smell of soil makes everything hypnotic. I hastily keep walking in the wrong side and come to the Zebra spot and to my worst imagination, its nowhere! The marriage had succumbed the white line and all of it becomes grey, a dark blackish-grey! My last option also dissolves along with the dissolution of the white line! And I have No hope now, not even any hidden one in the last option!!

So, I look at my left, then to my right, mentally analyzing all the practical implications and the consequences that would follow. I again look at left, confirming & reassuring myself at the mental preparation, take  my right step out, out in the surface where it has always been more about hands than mind, and I ,Run..............!!!

A 'moment' Changes Everything

A decade long bond, which went through many roads, passed through many facades and escapades, fakings and confessions and still stands upright, structured  and re structured again and again. A relationship which passes the tests of time-trust-quarrels-admittance becomes the way the two of them are, towards each other, towards themselves.

There are long pages of a few important people in your life diary and you know this notepad is not spiral bound. Pages are not meant to be torn and flushed away, you like it or not, they will still be there, always and forever. They might fade a little but then comes a moment, when you go past ‘that’ page, revisit it and ‘that’ one moment changes everything. Everything here implies anything. Either you still have vision ahead for that page in your life or you just flip it over it, but if at all you do stop over that page for more than 2 minutes, be sure you have something still left to be read out loud from it.

These pages are the people rather the person(s), the souls that have mattered for so long in your lives, that seemed to be on top of all the priorities at one point of time in your life, so what if you don’t really text them every now and then today, you still have that feeling of ‘i-want-to-know’ how they are wherever they are. And these souls are not just the special some ones but also the Friends-the besties who always fought but still remained together; the people who could never fit into either of the categories –friends or specials but found a mid way for their own self, these guys are like the bookmarks in the life diary, so that to remind yourself on which page you were, they are the first thing you see.

Grammy-nominated artist David Gray’s “A moment changes everything” celebrates how a single moment between two people has the power to change everything about their relationship—a moment that takes their relationship to an elevated level.

So coming back to the moment when you somehow land on that page of your life, I say. Stick to it. That will be the moment that can decide what you will do ahead. I could have been fighting with my bestie all my life, getting irritated at small silly stuff but it might happen , that one blue day, when I am totally out of my nerves and would like to take a walk on a beach, the only person I could think of would be her .This one moment has changed  everything about her for me!

We just need to have ‘that one moment’ in our relationships-friendships and fights, to change it forever and for good. And when it comes, you just need to sense –this is it-the moment!

हार-जीत

इक कलम पकड़ कर सोचते हैं 

ज़िन्दगी की जंग जीत लेंगे 

क्या खबर पड़ने वालों को 

हम बहुत पहले मात खा चुके हैं 

Chai and Champagne

The froth in the pan had boiled down to my cup…and I am all excited to let it flow through my throat as soon as possible..yeah its chai…my God of all times…good-bad, happy-sad, romantic-pathetic..it has always been my cup of tea that has relaxed me the most .Its an addiction to me, something which is really necessary for me to survive .God knows the reason why I fast for him (chai is allowed in fasting) and so somewhere I have started relating myself to it. Now that’s a twist, how can anybody relate or connect him/herself to a cup of tea.?? .well I surely can., a chai has got so many stories to weave around it , so many fragrances to feel about it..it is as Indian as I am..takes birth from the heart of the earth to which I am a child, it being my motherland.; the halo affect it passes through of its taste being judged by its brown colour as like my original Indian brown complexion ; .stands as a medicine for almost (I believe) every ailment, just like I feel so good about caring for people around me ; its aroma speaking for its character just like our behavior speaks for our own character and last but not the least the satisfaction and the comfort it gives to its beloved when brought to the lips…..that’s why I say.. it’s my’ God of all times’.

   
But is it chai which works for everybody. .certainly not!! So for that herd of the crowd  there is a Goddess .”.Champagne”. Goddess it is because satisfaction from a  goddess comes tagged with a sexual appeal. Sexual appeal, the champagne has plenty of it..indeed .It is more ‘not so Indian’ as we think it could be. Yellow for it adulteration, froth for its agitation, airy for its hollowness, flashy for its luxury but still lovely for its ability to arrest its beloved’s senses. Beloveds it has many, to which she is always a master no matter whether in bottle or inside!!

I sat down with my pen to do a write up on my last visit to Goa but what a cup of tea and a mug of champagne has to do with it…it has, a lot to do….!! Goa to me seemed to be a mug of champagne and most of the rest part of the country, of course chai. Not hesitant to mention when I stepped out my first foot on the land of Goa, I was fascinated like anything. The words of that moment were excitement, curiosity, and thrill. I was least aware of what Goa was all about but I wanted to explore it, as soon as I can. And I put the entire blame on the vibes of that place to make me think that way. Definitely the place has certain vibes which can make even an old heart feel like a young apple.
    I wont exaggerate if I say that the beaches there can drive anybody crazy and so do they did with me. It was the blue surf that I could feel under my foot , between me and the already wet sand as if it was creeping in me, no matter I wanted it to accept it or not, as fast as it can. One time, second time, third time, it kept on coming to me and going back just like a lover tries to pull his beloved back to him after an intrusion. It was deeply agitated but still quite, serene, it appeared grey but it was not hard to judge how many colors it has sacrificed to become this and that was the first time I realized in my life that there are things beyond my cup of tea which relax me, to which I can connect myself better . Somewhere at the back of my mind I also wanted to be like the sea, carefree, absolutely.
This was the first peg of the champagne that I tasted in Goa and it had already started spelling its magic on me..!

 The second peg of the evening came in an other form, in the form of the places there ,the forts. You can just stand at one nook of those amazing forts there, spread your hands wide , feel the vast waterbed ahead of you and you will actually feel the force of buoyant without even being in water! Isn’t that a magic again but that happens, just as in my case. I felt terrifically weightless, as if there was nothing in this world worth caring about, no issues worth to trouble me anymore and this became the second shock of my life, I was feeling airy, in this hypnotic environment. It was trying to take me somewhere I have never been..


The third and the last peg of my first experiment with this amazing drink came with a hick!! The nightlife of goa  and became something which I could never forget in my life, at first it was simply a dance floor and a wave of music that was there but I never thought it could be more engulfing than the sea was. While sipping this third peg I had a hit, and suddenly I discovered an absolutely new way to forget everything, to dump your thought process for a while by just being lost. Lost in the music, lost in the rhythm, lost in that atmosphere, there was so much noise that nobody could stay quite, to survive you have to shout and being loud by default kills all the itchy areas of your thought process. Certainly when you can’t think you cant be tensed anymore!

I was numb after my three pegs, done, exhausted, out of my senses and then I found a 6th sense reverting back to me...this was something I was never aware of but even in that state I could make out that this was the real me!!! I discovered an entirely new part of me...that is adventurous, fun-loving, carefree and hates thinking! Something  which my chai never introduced me to.
I came back from goa and with my luggage brought the thought that it couldn’t  always be  the same old good thing that can satisfy you which you think it might be doing well. Give time and explore yourself and know what actually satisfies you ,a cup of chai or a mug of champagne and then…a lot of things will turn straight. Now when I sit in my window in a nostalgic encounter with myself, I still love my cup of tea but the memories of the bubbles of the long and sleek glass ooze my emotions with a gentle smile!!

"जाने कहाँ रख दिया"

कुछ लिखा था  ख़ास, उस रात इक पन्ने में 

जाने कहाँ रख दिया ,
जो कैद किया था उस लम्हे में 

जब साथ तेरा नहीं सिर्फ तकदीर था, 

जब मुद्दा तेरा सबसे हसीं था ,

ढूढती हूँ उसे बेतरतीब , सब कुछ बरबस उलट पलट के 

जाने कहाँ रख दिया , 

जो ज़िक्र किया था तेरा उन लव्जों में 

घडी तो रूकती नहीं, बेशर्म हो भागती जाती है 

पल जो मुट्ठी में भींच लिया, बस आह उसी की रह जाती है 

आज याद जब उस पल की आई 

जब तेरी फ़िक्र, मेरी ज़मीन थी

परेशान हूँ मैं अब भी 

जाने कहाँ रख दिया ,

जो एहसास अब नहीं मिलता

 औरों में ||